Unicorn Fantasy Radiology World (with Ophira Eisenberg)

Ophira Eisenberg is a Canadian-born standup comedian, writer, and host. She hosted NPR’s comedy trivia show Ask Me Another for 9-years and she now hosts the comedy podcast Parenting Is A Joke where she talks to other comedian parents about how the hell they do it.  Ophira has had so many medical interventions in her life that choosing just one moment was almost impossible, so settle in for choice tidbits from encounters with cancer doctors, OBGYNs, radiologists, and more. Looking for an episode with talk of breasts and placentas and passing out from pain? We're here for you!

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Transcript

Julia: [00:00:00] And welcome to open up and say, ah, stories from underneath the paper gown. Hi Ellie. How are you doing?

Ellie: I'm good. How are you?

Julia: 

No, living my life. What can I say? All we can do is live it. Yeah. Um, got any good stories from this week? Any good, like weird stuff going on with your body or medical? 

Ellie: It's not mine, but I want to talk about somebody else.

Julia: I can't wait. Share. Okay. 

Ellie: So I won't name her, but when a good friend of mine was pregnant, uh, with her second child, there was some weirdness towards the end of the pregnancy. You know, they scared the shit out of you. You're amniotic fluid. And I mean, I don't, cause 

Julia: I've never been, I mean, I've been pregnant, I had an abortion, but I have friends.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Never carried a baby to term. Sorry. Let's lead an 

Ellie: episode with, well, I've had an abortion. I mean, yeah. I mean, I have. Yeah, you have. Um, okay. So they, well, they, they scare the shit out of you at every possible turn, especially if you're advanced maternal age. Oh my gosh, you're amniotic fluid.

There's some weird thing. What [00:01:00] is it? Then they have to figure out what it is. Basically. As far as they could tell the baby was growing possibly an extra limb or something. Like, it was like, they were going to be You know, what? Very irregular. Oh, okay. It was a major concern up until the birth. Uh, very close to the birth.

It was like, it might just be a sixth finger, which is not ideal, but not the worst thing in the world. You know, it's not like the kid's gonna die. God forbid. Anyway, when the baby was born, there was no sixth finger, but there was a teeny, tiny little hint coming out of the side of the hand where a sixth finger might have developed.

It was like a little bit of tissue, let's call it, right? Nothing. So they, you know, in the first few days of the child's life, they, the standard practice, and this was about 10 years ago. 

Julia: Okay. Okay. Okay. 

Ellie: Was to like tie it off, you know, they like tied a tight thing around it, 

Julia: cut off the blood, let it just like, it's going to fall off.

Right. 

Ellie: So, [00:02:00] and that is what, what happened. And that is what was done. We've never heard from it since until now, when all of a sudden this poor child is like, my hand hurts, my hand hurts, my hand hurts, and it's the kids almost 10, nine, nine, the kids, and all this pain where the. Sixth finger would have been growing out.

So basically after some doctor's appointments, we have learned there's something called a nerve stub. They have to go in and do. Kill them nerves. the nerves that would have grown into what was a sixth finger. But so now, you know, medical practices are constantly changing. So now I guess if this were happening, they wouldn't have done the tie off method.

They would have done some sort of procedure, either I guess right after the baby was born or something. I don't fully know. Yeah. All I know is I continue to learn about strange terms [00:03:00] that I've never heard. Like you think I heard it all and nerve stub is something I've never heard. And like for all the shit a parent has to deal with.

Now they're like this phantom figure finger that I tied off and like fell onto my floor one day. Cause you know, also when you have a new baby, you're like nursing, you're dealing, you're, you're like in a Sounds like a lot. Yeah. You're in a crazy, not, it's like a, a blur. I do recall this friend telling me like, Oh, like looking at the baby's hand one day and being like, Oh, the thing's not there anymore.

And like having to like, find on the floor this little tiny, It probably looked like a fingernail. I mean, you're making a face, but like, No, but 

Julia: I'm sure it was a little, yeah, I understand. I can imagine. Yeah, it 

Ellie: was nothing like a finger. It was like the tiniest little fleck of skin that was sticking out. I get it.

Like a skin tag like that, but now it's formed a nerve stube and, um, they got to deal with it. So that's, that's my oddity for the week. 

Julia: Do you have anything? That is so good. Um, not, not as exciting as that. This is just my own personal garbage, but like, [00:04:00] so, you know, um, If any listeners have listened to Circling the Drain, our previous podcast, you would know that I have ADHD, I am on Vyvanse for that, the way that I learned I had ADHD was that I took Welbutrin for low libido, and the side, the great side effect of that was that it began to control my ADHD, so then I got diagnosed and now I'm on ADHD medication, so I'm on a cocktail, I am on the Welbutrin, I stayed on it because I felt better, and I was like, I'll just stay on this, I feel good.

I'm And then I added, you know, the Vyvanse, and that keeps me pretty focused. Um, so, lately I've been having this issue where I'm getting PMDD. Like really bad pre PMS. Okay, so PMDD is premenstrual. I don't know, like, it's like something disorder disfunction. I don't remember why we don't need to know. It doesn't matter.

Yeah. Um, and I was talking to my shrink and I was like, look, I'm getting really bad, like PMDD, which is, um, but really the way that it surfaces with me is like [00:05:00] rage. I get like really crazy rage. And when you're like a health coach and a Pilates instructor, this is not a cool vibe. To have like when you're treating people.

Ophira: Yeah, 

Julia: and I was like, I feel like we might need to do something about this. And so she was like, well, we can put you on like, you know, a medication for this. Uh, and she was like, um, Zoloft, believe it or not, you can take Intermittently, like you don't have to take it every day to have a fax, it's prescribed for PMTD and you can just take it for like, whatever the three days, four days, five days, whatever, you know, before you get your period and then like stop taking it and blah, blah, blah.

And I was like, I don't know, like I'm already on meds. Let's like give it a try and you know, see what happens. So, I gave that a try. Ellie, no, just no. Okay, here's what happened. What happened? What happened? So I, um, started sweating profusely. I, like I was having just a, like a long hot flash, like all day, sweating profusely, [00:06:00] um, repetitive and intense diarrhea.

Great. Great. All the fun things. And then anxiety went from like negative one to like 10 plus. 

Ellie: Oh. 

Julia: Yeah. And I was like, this is great. This is really doing its job. This was, um, great. One day, right? And I was like, well, we know that this is now a no, and I'm reading through the side effects. So here we go, you know, like, listen, she did tell me she was like, this is what could happen.

This, you know, but this is like very unlikely, whatever. I should have known. Like, you know me, if it You get the things. If anxiety is a side effect, I will get the thing. And so, yeah, I'm reading on, of course I go to Reddit, because where else would you go? I go to Reddit, and everyone's like, Yeah, like it can be like that in the beginning, but then like your body gets used to it.

And I'm like, but I'm taking it intermittently. There's no getting used to it. If I have to do this every single month, what's the point? No, what's the fucking point? I was like, wait, [00:07:00] no, look, and this is not, this is to say that I know that this drug changes people's lives and they have, you know, they have, this is, there's a reason why it's out there and people do really well on it.

I have not one of those people. So I will just, you know, Manage my rage in a, in a different way, and I will just deal with it, and I look forward to a day when I don't get my period anymore, and I don't have to deal with it, but. This is when I wish we could just bring back 

Ellie: the red, just put you in the red tent for those three days.

Julia: The red tent. Yeah. Right? Yeah, the red tent. Put me, put me in the red tent. Terrible thing to say during these life and times, that's all I'm saying. I know, I know. Probably not the right thing to say right now. 

Ellie: Maybe like a, like a pink tent. Like it would be a different tent. A tent. A she, a she, what do they call it?

A she, a shut? A she shack, a she shack. You need a she shack. A, a, a shut, but that's 

Julia: not 

Ellie: as 

Julia: I'm having, I can't, 

Ellie: I'm 

Julia: gonna be in my she shack. I'll be, I'll 

Ellie: be meditating. I'll be Netflixing. I'll be watching. No, but you know what? This 

Julia: is [00:08:00] why women are so strong. Can I just say? Because like, we have to manage all of this shit and like still go about our lives and not that's also to say I took that drug I did it on a Saturday because I was like I want to do it when I don't have to do anything or be anywhere in case I have a bad reaction so I did the right thing in that respect but it still took like 24 hours to get completely out of my system and I teach Pilates on Sunday mornings from 9 a.

m to 1 that first class was a roller coaster and it took all of my Control and composure as a, as a functioning human being to like, keep my shit together. 'cause my anxiety was just like cuckoo crazy at that moment, and then it like wore off and I was a perfectly like, fine human being, but like, right.

Fuck all that. You had to use all your 

Ellie: acting skills. 

Julia: I'd use all my acting skills. You know, we thought that going to school for co, for, for, for acting was a waste, but it actually came into play. 

Ellie: Wow. How excellent. I know. Um, every once in a 

Julia: while it, it, it, it's helpful. 

Ellie: Well, speaking of strong women, can I tell you who we have on today's pod?

I mean, you should. [00:09:00] I'm going to. Great. Ophira Eisenberg is a Canadian born stand up comedian, writer, and host. She hosted NPR's comedy trivia show, Ask Me Another, where she interviewed and played silly games with hundreds of celebrities for nine years. Love that one. It's a good one. As a comic and a parent to an elementary school kid, Ophira is the host of the comedy podcast Parenting is a Joke, it's so good.

So good. Um, where she talks to other comedian parents about how the hell they do it. Ophira is a regular host and teller with The Moth and her stories have been featured on The Moth Radio Hour and in two of The Moth's best selling collections, including the New York Times bestseller, How to Tell a Story, The Essential Guide to Memorable Storytelling from the Moth.

We had Ophira on our last podcast. Circling the drain. We're so excited to hear her intriguing medical stories. Let's get to it. Let's get to it. Hi, Ophira.

Hi. 

Speaker 4: [00:10:00] Hello. 

Ellie: Good morning. I have my coffee. I'm still drinking my coffee. 

Speaker 4: Oh, I've already done two mugs. 

Ellie: I mean, it's, this is mug number two, but it's like cold and sad. And you know, I like 

Speaker 4: it when it's cold that you can drink it faster. 

Ellie: It's true. It's true. It's like, I don't need water. I've got cold coffee.

Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly. I always drink 

Julia: my cold. I don't even drink hot coffee. Do you drink it cold or 

Speaker 4: iced? 

Julia: No, iced. Always iced. In fact, I'm running out and I'm sad 

Ellie: I didn't make another one. But you see, iced is on purpose. Mine just like got tepid and then it got cold and I'm still like, I'm not going to do anything to make this any different than it is.

Too much work. Too much work. Right. It's been here since like six in the morning. Who knows what's in it at this point. Um, anyway, well, Fira, before we get into your story or stories, I know that you have had a lot of medical experiences in your life. You've had a one person show about it. Um, when it comes to real live medical situations, what kind of a patient are you?[00:11:00] 

Speaker 4: I have been both. I think the more, I mean, and by that, I mean both is either good or bad, I guess, or, but now, now because as it has piled up, I am suspicious. 

Ophira: That's the patient I 

am. I'm suspicious. Um, I have to get it in my mind to not be, not be, I guess. You know, you have to be really nice to people to get them to do things for you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I was really defensive for a while and that just does not work. It's like customer service. It is exactly like customer service. The more you present like, I'm going to be difficult, not, not, even medical professionals aren't like, well, I'm just going to soften it up and make this easy for you.

Yeah. What you give. 

Julia: It's um, it's treading that line of assertion, right? Treading the line of like being assertive with like out being an ass, without being an asshole. [00:12:00] 

Speaker 4: Yeah. And at a certain point too, in your medical history, if you've been through a lot and you go through an intake with any new person, it is exhausting because you come from a place where you just happen to know more.

About them. I mean, maybe everyone walks in going I know more about what's going on with me than you do But I think there's this feeling like you're the experts. I know stuff, but then that will change And I get really frustrated 

Ellie: Mm 

Julia: hmm. Yes understandable. 

Speaker 4: I've been unkind 

Julia: Yeah, 

Speaker 4: well, 

Julia: there's like my GP's office that I go to now.

I like my GP a lot, but I don't get to see her very often because they usually put me with the physician's assistant or the, or the NP. And lately they've been going through nurse practitioners like Kleenex. So I never know. So I'm like, I get rapport and I'm all set with this one NP who I really like.

And then she disappears. And listen, if they keep, if they're going, coming and going, [00:13:00] guess whose fault that is? Not theirs. You know what I'm saying? Correct. So I'm just like, what are you doing to these people? Unless there's a program that I'm not aware of, you know what I'm saying? Like they just get people in and like, that's what they do.

But like, like your internship, I dunno, like an intern, but you know, you get all like comfortable with somebody and then you get a new person. Then you gotta sit down and explain to them that you've had ulcerative proctitis since you were 17. And yes, you indeed have had a colonoscopy. And I know that you're, that I'm over 45, but I do not need one.

'cause I've had like 30. 

Speaker 4: Right. Well, that's another thing is like, I often say, um, I use these words all the time. I say, um, is this something I have to get or is it recommended? I say that all the time. That's a good phrase. Are you saying it's mandatory or recommended? Mandatory or recommended? Uh, usually they bring in someone else when you ask those questions.

They're like, all right. Bye. And also to that point things are you know, everyone's on a different computer system now No one is very rarely are people writing down pen and paper I [00:14:00] happen to go to a gp that still works in that and that's his mind and I love it. But most of the time you're dealing with a medical practitioner or nurse practitioner who's entering things into, uh, an application that I am assuming there's a bazillion different companies selling these medical applications.

So they're all different. And recently when I was talking to a doctor and they told, or sorry, nurse practitioner, putting in my intake and they said, okay, prior surgeries and they're on their little Keyboard ready to go and I'm listing mine off and they said to me Well, I don't really see these in the drop down menu.

So where do you think I should put them? And I was like Notes. 

Ellie: You're like, why are you asking me? Why are you asking me? And why weren't they in there already? Yeah, well, there's nothing 

Speaker 4: in there already. There never is. Then you just go, Oh, this is how it's all starts falling apart. Yeah. [00:15:00] Because there's an automated thing.

These people have to pick drop down menus from that hasn't been populated to every individual and there's no other space and you're just like, Oh, cool. 

Ellie: I love that you had a suggestion though. Notes. Notes. 

Julia: Is there a notes? That's a great suggestion. The other thing too is that often they have to select your surgery or your illness from a drop down menu and there's no option to like put it in manually.

And so they'll be like, Hmm, I don't really know what to call, I've had them do this. I don't really know what to call that we're just going to call it this and I'll just put it in as that and I'm just like, but it's not that. 

Speaker 4: Is that what you want to do here? Okay. 

Julia: Okay. 

Speaker 4: Uh, this is maybe, I find this hilarious, but it's kind of dark.

Um, my mother, who has since passed away, but she and I were at an appointment for her and she was in pretty good health near the end, but we were at an appointment with the new doctor, you know, she was almost 90 and, uh, she had, she had some health issues, very good spirit, spirited woman, [00:16:00] and the young nurse practitioner said, Oh, is the, you know, standard questions, right?

But is there any, um, Cancer running in your family? And my mom goes, oh yeah. And they go, oh, okay, ready to type. Which one? And my mother goes All of them. 

Julia: Everyone. Riddled with 

Ellie: cancer. There should be 

Julia: an option from the drop down menu that just says this, this, this, or all. All of them. All of the above, yeah.

Ophira, you have a story for us today. What's the title? 

Speaker 4: I'm gonna call it Radiology 101. Let's hear 

Julia: it. 

Speaker 4: So I, um, I'm On top of many other things, I also, when I was 40, I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer and, uh, Yeah, so the way they treat early stage breast cancer is very similar to the way they t treat all breast cancers.

You have a choice between, um, well, I guess I had a [00:17:00] choice, so that maybe says something. I had a choice between a double mastectomy, which would have been, in my mind, overkill, uh, because basically they found some fuzzy cells in one of my breasts, and that is considered something that they want to basically, uh, Take out so, but then they go, Hey, if you don't want to do potential chemo drugs or radiation, you can just do a double mastectomy and then you never have to think about it again.

But from, from my point of view, that is a lot of tissue that we're just throwing out there, just 

Julia: slicing 

Speaker 4: right off. Slicing right off. Hits 

Ellie: in the trash. Trash tits. Hits in the 

Speaker 4: trash. Trash tits. And, uh, and now I've actually just, if anyone knows, now I realize that there are some surgeons that believe in something called breast preservation who strongly disagree with that point of view of looking at breast cancer.

Ellie: Okay. 

Speaker 4: Strongly disagree. But if you go to a very conservative place, like I did, [00:18:00] Sloan Kettering, you know, they will, but I found a surgeon that was like, no, no, no, that's if, let's do a lumpectomy and then you, after that we'll talk about radiation, absolutely, and then after that we'll talk about medication.

What can I say? It was a terrible experience. The whole thing was terrible. Sounds great. Surgery was brutal. I had to get two surgeries because the first one, uh, was not. Was effective, but then they thought they, they saw more with these incredible diagnostic machines. When you get, just as a little, uh, little extra tidbit, when you get a lumpectomy, which is the kind I had where you don't feel a lump, it's at a tissue level that is more seen on a mammogram.

How do you think? They market any ideas because I can't wait 

Julia: pan now can't wait 

Speaker 4: because you know what you get like I don't know if you've ever had a broken bone or any kind of surgery where they put an [00:19:00] axe on. It's very demoralizing, but they put a 

Julia: yeah, they're like this one is the one when I tore my ACL.

They were like, they circled my near like put an X and they asked me 10 times before I went under which leg are we doing surgery and I'd be like left. 

Speaker 4: Yeah, 

Julia: because there's 

Speaker 4: a huge statistic of wrong limb wrong side surgery. Okay. Can you imagine? But they can't do that in this case. So, so what they do is that they insert wire, they look at your mammogram and insert wires in the mammogram.

To the depth of your soul to mark the position of these and for some reason that I never got to the bottom to you can't be, you have to be, you can't be out. You have to be completely conscious. Is 

Ellie: there local, local anesthetics? No, 

Julia: I do not understand that. Let me explain something to you, and this is in the media.

You know, there's a lot of [00:20:00] talk about this on Instagram, and as everyone knows or probably knows, we used to have a podcast called, called, uh, circling the Drain about, you know, medical issues, women, all that, and is really interesting to me that this is a thing that women are not, are often, our pain is not taken seriously.

We're expected to tolerate pain. Like with IUDs, they don't, and they don't give you kind any kind of anesthetic when you get an IUD. I've heard the same kind of thing with this. It's like, why would they not give you something? At least give me a Valium. 

Speaker 4: So, they offered me a Xanax, which, you know, I know is like a fun party drug for some.

Uh, but I, I've never taken one before. It is, it's, you know, really to reduce anxiety. Yeah, it just takes the edge off your anxiety. It's sedative. And, um, I, I took it unwillingly, but I was pretty worked up about the whole thing, and I took it unwillingly, and all it did, it did not, it, it was the most pain I've ever felt, I, I passed out, and they had to like, literally slap me awake, because I couldn't be [00:21:00] limp.

Oh, she had Ophira? 

Julia: I am going to delve so deep into this after this episode and find out why the fuck you have to be awake, because that makes no sense to 

Speaker 4: because it's also, you almost have to stay still so they can get it right. This is 

Ellie: sadistic! They shoved a wire in your tit and then 

Speaker 4: slapped you away!

Two wires, and then were like, Stay away. I've never heard of this and I am aghast. Continue. Yeah, so the Xanax, all the Xanax did for me was remove, and maybe this is common, it removed the filter in my brain between all the things I want to say and what I would stop from coming out of my mouth. Nice. And I had no anxiety about literally just yelling and screaming at these people the entire time.

Ellie: Do you remember some of the things you said? No idea. 

Speaker 4: No idea. Okay. Because I was also in so much pain I was passing. Like my body just went no more. Oh my love. Okay. And then they wheel you into surgery. So, uh, that, once this [00:22:00] was done, let's just say, then I had to go through a month of radiation, uh, daily radiation, which, uh, That is, uh, that's pretty low key, but in terms of invasiveness, you don't feel anything with radiation.

It's just the whole procedure of going there every day. You're in rooms of people who are all in different stages, so they're just the, the heaviness of these waiting areas. Yeah. You don't know if you're at a place of healing or a morgue. It's just wild. And then when you're done that, you have to see someone like about a month later just to kind of do.

So let's just say I was, you know, when we're talking what kind of patient you are, you at the beginning, let's just say by the end of that, I was a terrible patient. For good reason. I hated these people. I hated them. I thought they tortured me. I thought they were sadistic, brutal, um, money makers. And I felt like a [00:23:00] number in a factory that was being rolled through.

Ellie: No good. 

Speaker 4: I hated all of it. Yeah. I hated, uh, Sloan Kettering and many more of these hospitals are, have, are very intent on this sort of soothing, generic decor. Uh, they have photo frames that have like nature photos based on seasons and I, I had seen them all. I fucking hated the leaves. You hated the seasons.

I hated all of them. Sorry. I hated them. Fuck. Okay, so, you know, much like you said at the beginning, uh, I didn't, I had a very good radiologist, supposedly he was, he was a top guy. But when I went in that day, I did not get to see that top guy because that top guy had to deal with people that will. Tech, I'm assuming worse off than me, or perhaps he was in Key West.

I don't know. 

Ellie: You'll never know. 

Speaker 4: But, you'll never know. But, so I had one of his students, right? One of these, um, these, um, [00:24:00] yeah, these people are there moving up the ranks. So I walk in, and of course, you know, I bared my upper torso, my breast to a lot of people at that point. But it was, it was, it's not, it feels crappy every time.

Every time it feels exposed, every time you just want to be in that thing where can I like reclaim this part of my body for me and stop with just it being poked like a piece of old Play Doh. So, going, it's a young guy. Uh, he's very smiley. He's goofy. He's goofy, which is, was unlike, I would say, how I would describe many of, of the other people that worked there.

They just, you know, of all, all the descriptions, I would say, you know, maybe they were, um, maybe they were, smiling or maybe they were trying to be warm or maybe they were stern or just professional. This guy was goofy, like [00:25:00] goofy, like should work with children. And he, you know, had to, he was mostly because he's in radiology, so they're not looking at anything anymore except for they're looking at the skin.

They're looking how the skin responded because it's very intense on the skin. So they're looking at the skin and, uh, He's looking at it and he just keeps going. This is great. It's great. Oh, so good You did such a good job He did such a good job and, uh, you know, I did buy this cream online that was for, uh, preserving your skin, especially for radiation.

And so I, I was like, well, you know, I've, I've always liked that. I'm like, well, you know, I, I took it into my own hands and I researched this thing and I bought this cream and he's like, well, did a great job. Your skin looks great. Your skin looks great. And he's, he's looking at my file and he's reading my file and he's looking at my skin and he's like, yeah, it's all good, it's all good.

And then he just goes, um. 

Ophira: Well 

Speaker 4: now you're gonna live forever. [00:26:00] Oh, I was like

You know it just coming from where I was coming from I was just like, excuse me, yeah, he's ghost Yeah, your skin looks great. You're done with everything and you know what now you're gonna live forever and I was I was so like What the? How dare you? Yes! How dare you? Like how, you know, after what I've been through, that is, first of all, just like bullshit.

And why are you saying that? And I'm not a child. And this isn't unicorn fantasy radiology world. And, you know, nobody lives forever. And we don't, like, if anything What an irresponsible 

Ellie: thing to say! 

Speaker 4: Right! I literally was like, could you, should I record this? Because I guess I could, you know, Start a, uh, some sort of random suit?

Yeah, like If I was litigious? 

Julia: Um, because the breast cancer might not get you, but you could, like, get hit by a bus tomorrow! There's 

Speaker 4: always getting hit [00:27:00] by a bus, but your tissue 

Ellie: your tissue would have looked really beautiful when they examined your dead body 

Speaker 4: But but also it's just sort of like yeah No one gives you any assurances, but all of a sudden and I I don't know why this guy was saying I mean like I do think within this Sloan Kettering world like that is also just there's they're very Concerned and professional, and they take a pretty intense approach to everything.

That's sort of their general philosophy. Yeah. So that guy, like, did not belong in that world. And I was mad at him, but I was also so terrified. Dying to hear something like that. It was so thirsty for anyone to say anything hopeful other than just like a pile of statistics like well now you have a 16 percent chance of reoccurrence.

Well like just the idea of someone looking at you in the medical field at all in [00:28:00] America, I will say, I can't really compare it right now, and going it's great. This is great. You've done great. And from my point of view, you're going to live forever, because in a way, I think that was the context. Sure. It was like, if you get another day on this dumb planet, From a medical point of view, that is forever, 

Julia: right?

I wonder if he was so uncomfortable. Do you know what I mean? If that had something to do with it, or if he was working on his, if he's a younger, like if he was a younger person kind of coming up the ranks, like you said, I wonder if he was like working on his. You know, we all have like our phrasing that we wanna keep using as a coach.

I have phrasing that I try to keep in mind if I might need in a moment. And he was kind of there. But it needs to be polished. It's, it's not quite there. Yeah. 

Speaker 4: It seemed, it seemed a little first day. Little first day. Yeah. A little first day. Yeah. That's what I thought. I was like, you've seen like 12 patients.

Yeah. Yeah. Figured this out. [00:29:00] Like this could be your first morning. They're like, guess what? Everyone called in sick. So, Phillip, you're on rounds. And he was just like, okay, well, right, yeah, I'm into it. 

Julia: Send the awkward guy. 

Ellie: The GP office that I go to, there are often, um, students or like, you know, physicians assistants or just like, just out of school.

And one day I got someone and, you know, like the, The nurse came in and was like, John's going to come in first. He's kind of still studying. He's going to give you your preliminary examination. Then we'll come in. And I was like, okay, like what choice do I have? You know, I guess I could have said, I don't have time for John.

I'm not in the mood for John. Let John look at somebody else. But I was feeling like, okay, you know, great. And I've told Julia this John. Came in, you know, took my intake and then was like, here's your gown. I'll step out for a few minutes as they do. Came back in and I had the gown on and he walked in and he looked at me and he said, wow, that actually looks good on you.

Speaker 4: [00:30:00] Oh my god. That's 

Ellie: so wrong. Like, and I, it's not the same, Ophira. I hadn't been through cancer. But it's like, you don't know whether to be grateful for the compliment or horrified at the gross, like, inappropriateness of that. And I didn't feel like he was, like, trying to fuck me or anything. He just seemed so green.

Like, he hadn't practiced his words yet. That actually looks good on you. What great 

Speaker 4: a bunch of people really just freak out on him. I mean, I do think I do think like, what, you know, I am always I am very into good bedside manner. And I think in New York, there's this idea that if you especially for women, like we talked about it, women just like, assuming we should be able to take like extreme pain with zero Um, comfort.

But also, I think there's this idea that people, like women in New York are like tough and gritty and they are like working and they're career people and they just like it at take, tell me how it is. And I'm always like, do not tell me how it is. Yeah. Like, soft, [00:31:00] personable. I, I even went to see a dermatologist, I have to get my skin checked all the time because, guess what?

All in my family. You know what runs in my family? All the cancer. All the cancer. All of them. All of them. And so, uh, and I had a dermatologist that I'd never seen before, like, ask me zero questions. Like, not even what I do. What, you know, and I was just like, okay, we're out. You're here. You're a business person.

I get it. Because there's that side of it too. But I like someone that gets in there. Yeah. I like someone that gets in there with you. 

Ellie: Not all people are for all people. Is that a saying? Not everyone. I don't know. Not 

Julia: whatever the, the, the, the, the, the vibe. I get the vibe. Yes. 

Speaker 4: Yeah. And I realized dermatologists in New York are mostly there to do Botox and filler, but 

Ellie: I didn't, I didn't know that until.

Okay. I have psoriasis. So I go on a regular basis. And one time I went and there was like videos on the computer screen about Botox and filler. And then they came in and were talking to me about [00:32:00] Botox and filler. This is like a change in the past few years, more power to whoever wants Botox and filler.

But I was there for like my medical issue, not, you know, I feel like you, I feel like you should ask first before they then switch to that. Right. They shouldn't Offer it to 

Speaker 4: you. It's just so much money. But also on your thing about like the hi, this guy, um, uh, medical student, the Diane Von 

Ellie: Furstenberg rap dress that I was suddenly in.

Wow. Fantastic. 

Speaker 4: Uhhuh . I, you know, when I first went to see my O-B-G-Y-N, she's at a practice with four different OBGYNs. Mm-Hmm. . And because you know babies, that's my 

Julia: dryer. Everyone. I don't know if you can hear that. My buzzer on my dryer. Oh, you can't hear it now? Oh, thank God. I'm glad you have a 

Speaker 4: dryer. Um, just because, you know, these practices, especially with babies, they can't tell who is going to be there when you go into labor.

Yeah. So they have a few different people. So you meet everybody. 

Julia: So 

Speaker 4: you meet everybody. And one woman I did not like, because also, you know, I got [00:33:00] pregnant after this whole breast cancer radiology, so I was still on pretty high alert. And OBGYN because she was like such, and is such a sweet, warm, caring person.

easy to talk to doctor. I just loved her. But she had a Eastern European colleague who was a terrific doctor, but did not have a great bedside manner. It was pretty just like No filter, harsh, I felt, and I was so sensitive at the time because I was just, I was pretty, like this was pretty much on the heels of that whole, whole cancer radiology, everything.

I was still healing mentally and I had to see her and I, I prepared a speech because I have these huge scars, I've got scars on my stomach, I've got the scars from the breast cancer, I've got these scars, and I said to her, listen, I'm going to get undressed. Uh, and I'm very early [00:34:00] pregnant, uh, you're gonna see a lot of scars, I am just, uh, I've been through this, I've been through that, I'm feeling very sensitive about it all right now.

So, if you could just keep that in mind as you examine me, okay? And let me tell you, from a patient vulnerability and just assertion point of view, it was very So challenging for me to get myself to even say that. Yeah. Yeah. And then she leaves, I put on the robe, she comes back in, she opens up my, uh, the front of it and literally goes, Oh my god, life really ripped you up, didn't it?

Julia: What the fuck? The 

Speaker 4: fuck? What 

Julia: the fuck? 

Speaker 4: Did I not just, and Could I not be a top 10 on anyone's like interest of interest list? Medically, my goal is to be like a total uninteresting case. Yeah. That is my 

Ellie: goal. You don't want to be, we've never seen this before. [00:35:00] No. And probably don't respect it. 

Speaker 4: It's not on the drop down menu.

It's like. I've had that so many times. It's like 1%. Just like. I would like a different 1%. 

Julia: Ignore altogether or say something nice. Ignore altogether. Ignore altogether. Or say something nice. It's very easy. But you had 

Ellie: prepared this bitch. You had laid your heart on the table and said, I feel sensitive. And she was like, Look at you!

Oh my god! 

Speaker 4: I know. She could have been thinking about her lunch. I don't know. She wasn't listening. 

Ellie: And she sucks. And I hate her. Just like you hate leaves. She's as bad as leaves. 

Speaker 4: And guess what? She was the one who delivered my baby. Who delivered your baby! Oh my god. Oh! The irony. Life. 

Ellie: Yes. Oh my goodness.

Speaker 4: So she did a good job on that. 

Ellie: Good. I'm glad she didn't at any point during the birth make you feel like she didn't go, Oh my 

Speaker 4: God, 

Julia: when she like opened up the, 

Speaker 4: I will say this. No, all I remember is that my friend, Emily Flake wrote this very funny book [00:36:00] about, um, having a, a kid. And at one point she hears two people in the background.

After her delivery saying. Like two medical people just saying that was one old dried up placenta and it really stuck in her. And so, you know, and I found out about this later, but I, you know, have, this is, it's, it's somewhat common to have a dried up placenta. It has nothing to do with age or anything.

It's just a, it's a possibility. It's just a medical 

Julia: thing that might happen. It's got, there's no. 

Speaker 4: No real correlation and it's not even dangerous because at that point you're delivering your baby. Yeah. So, uh, but for whatever reason when she told me that, not knowing the rest of it, I assumed it had to do with age.

And I was pregnant much older than she was and, and much older than a lot of my friends. So in a state of delirium after I delivered, I did say to that OBGYN, Was my placenta all old and [00:37:00] dried up? And she held it up in the little bin they put it in. Like, and it was a big, red, bloody, hammerhead squid. And just went, no, it's beautiful!

Julia: And in that moment, she made up for all of it. Just kidding. Yeah, exactly. She's 

Ellie: not into your scars, but your placenta. 

Speaker 4: Yeah. 

Ellie: Gorgeous. Chef's kiss. And 

Speaker 4: she was like, do you want to take that home? And I was like, no, it's for you. It's my gift. Yeah. Yeah. Have you 

Ellie: Googled what people do with their placentas? Have you ever gone down that road?

Speaker 4: I've heard stories. Cook it up and eat it. 

Ellie: I 

Speaker 4: know people. 

Ellie: Yeah. Yeah. But people have like babies who are like walking, who are still like attached to it. I feel like it's the wildest thing. 

Julia: Oh, that's, this is for another episode. 

Ellie: No judgment. Judgment. I'm judging. I'm judging. Judging so hard. Supposedly someone 

Speaker 4: got in trouble for burying those, burying one of theirs under a tree in Prospect Park because, uh, human remains.

Yeah, that's not 

Julia: your park. [00:38:00] 

Ellie: Right. 

Julia: Not your backyard, people. 

Ellie: It's a public place. It's a nice stake for the squirrels. 

Speaker 4: But they were excited. The rats were like, are you kidding me? Right. That's 

Ellie: what's really, that's the source of the rat problem is the placenta in Prospect Park. Somebody 

Speaker 4: write Eric Adams. Let him know.

The old rats that look really young. Yeah. It's those ones. 

Ellie: Right. They've been rejuvenated by the juicy placenta, not the dried up placenta. Because you know, 

Julia: there's more. If one person did it, you know, somebody was like, you know where I put mine. Exactly. Um, well. I think it's, I think there, I think, um.

Prospect Park is on top of hundreds of placentas. 

Speaker 4: I'm pretty sure you're right. 

Ellie: Ophira's family is riddled with cancer. Prospect Park is riddled with placentai. Placente. Placente. 

Julia: Placentas. 

Ellie: Um, this took a turn. It always often does. I don't know when you get medical, it gets super weird. [00:39:00] I was here for the ride.

I enjoyed. I love. Yeah. Um, Oh, fear. I love everything that comes out of you, including your wet, juicy, 

Julia: bloody 

Ellie: placenta. Gorgeous. Um, please tell our listeners where they can find your podcast as well as the best place for your upcoming show. Dates all your shit, right? Just pour your shit on us. 

Speaker 4: Oh, thanks. I'm touring like crazy, so I'm leaving my family behind and coming to you.

Right. So, uh, anyways, I'm, I am literally gonna be touring for the next few months, so my website is eisenberg.com. You can follow me on the socials at Rae. And I have a podcast called Parenting is a joke that you can listen to as they say. 

Ellie: wherever you can podcasts and it's good people. It's good. It's a good time.

Speaker 4: And yeah, we try not to teach anything. 

Ellie: If you 

Julia: didn't, um, if you weren't able to write all that down, it's not a problem because we're going to put it in the show notes.

Thank [00:40:00] you.