A Tale of Two Cysts (with Abigail Paul)

Coming to you from Frankfurt, Germany, we have our longtime friend Abigail Paul, a dynamic performer and BBC Writer’s Room Popcorn Award Nominee. Abigail is a self-proclaimed "big baby" when it comes to medical situations, yet she has knack for turning her uncomfortable encounters into highly amusing stories. She regales us with tales of two cysts, one which had to be dealt with on a college trip to NYC when she had no health insurance, and the other when she was living in Germany, which she says is a far more humane and bank-account-friendly system. You'll also learn about self-eating teeth and floobitty-doops. Believe it or not, one of those things is real.

LINKS
Abigail's website
Abigail's Insta
Listen to Abigail on Circling the Drain Podcast

Instagram @openupandsayha
YouTube @openupandsayha
Facebook @openupandsayha

Transcript

Ellie
Host
00:07
Hello and welcome to Open Up and Say Ha stories from underneath the paper gown. We like to start every episode by talking about something interesting medically that we've learned, either about our own bodies or about the bodies of others. Julia, what you got for us today. 

Julia
Host
00:23
So I something happened to me that I took. Okay Well, oh yeah, if you're a fan here, you've probably listened to circling the drain podcast and you may or may not know that I am on menopause hormone therapy, or also known as HRT hormone. 

Ellie
Host
00:43
MHT menopause hormone therapy, Menopause hormone therapy, or HRT, hormone replacement therapy. Is what they used to call it. 

Julia
Host
00:48
Yeah, I was trying to say Couldn't get it together, anyway. So I cycle through progesterone. I take it 14 days out of the month and then I get my period and then I go about my life and then I take it 14 days or whatever, and those 14 days are basically like the nights that I sleep the best out of my entire month. Progesterone helps you sleep at night. It's one of the many things that it does for you. But anyway, this one night we were I don't know, we were like watching a movie. It was like a Friday night or something, and lately I've been kind of forgetting to take it. And so it was like seven in the evening and I was upstairs in the bathroom and I was like you know, just take it now, so I don't forget to take it later at like nine or ten or eleven whenever I go to bed. 

01:31
And so I went ahead and took it and we like ate dinner and then we were watching a movie and like halfway through the movie I was like I feel great, I was like how you doing, and I was like this is I, you know, I feel I feel amazing, and what I realized was that normally I'm asleep when that shit kicks in and I just had to like. I was like this is to testify and say that it really does work. And when you're awake, when it kicks in, holy fuck it is. It's like taking Xanax. I was just like dip to do what's up. Husband like how you doing, how you doing over there, and he was just like what is going on with you? And I was like I feel great. 

Ellie
Host
02:08
And then I was like I gotta go to bed. 

Julia
Host
02:11
I'm tired at like, at like nine o'clock, but you know, lesson learned, I was like all right, right on. I guess this shit, this shit is really working people. 

Ellie
Host
02:20
So you what on another, another time we talked you mentioned. I just wonder if you could. Can you like take it for other things, like could you take it when you feel that PMDD coming on, like the, when you're already taking it? 

Julia
Host
02:35
Yeah, and I don't think it's a good thing. I don't think it's a recommended thing to take during the day because, like the eventual outcome is sweet. If I took it during the day it would just be like happy, happy and then dirt nap in the middle of the day and I think that's a terrible idea. I can't do that when I'm teaching. Sure this is why I'm not a doctor, same, not a doctor. 

Ellie
Host
02:58
Well, in my family you know, you can take good care of your teeth but sometimes if you have genetic, if you're genetically predisposed to just I'm just going to call it bad teeth, because some people do all the things and they just their teeth give them problems. Yeah, my, my poor husband was having a toothache and, you know, went to the dentist and the dentist took a quick look at it and said the dentist took a quick look at it and said you've got something called resorption. And of course my husband was like this is a new word, what the fuck is that and in layman's terms, resorption is basically the tissue of his tooth is eating itself. 

03:42
The two resorption right. It's like absorbing its own self. The tooth is hungry, it doesn't get enough food, it's eating its own. That's not true, but basically so they were like. So we think the way to fix this, excuse me, is a root canal and you have to go to a special other root canal doctor Makes the appointment. He goes to the root canal doctor that he's been to before and thankfully the root canal doctor is a real honest guy and took a deeper um dive and a deeper dive and a look and was like oh, see all this, see all this darkness, see all this gray showing. I, this is so sexy. My husband's going to hate this on this x-ray. This is, this is beyond a root canal. You need this tooth out. I'm not going to do this root canal. Go back to where you came from. And so now he's in the process of like planning to have a tooth removed, a flipper put in, because then they have to wait for the tissue to heal before they can put a proper implant in. 

04:37
But it's so. It's so upsetting because you know we're all aging, it's what we do, and you get more things. And there's like just things you don't fucking know about and you don't plan for and you sort of know peripherally, like yeah, things are going to deteriorate, maybe my teeth are going to give me problems or whatever, but he can get this one fixed. But then now of course he's worried that, like all his teeth are going to eat themselves that's so strange. 

Julia
Host
05:01
I think the wildest part is like when you go at our age, you go to the doctor and you're like, oh, I've got a thing. And they're like, no, it's not that thing, it's this thing which you've never heard of and has this really weird name, and you're like, oh god especially for someone like, especially like you and I, who do deep research and we usually go to the doctor thinking we know what it is. 

Ellie
Host
05:19
We're like it's either this or it's this, and they're no. It's this other thing you've never heard of. It's a floobity boop and you're like fuck, why did I? 

Julia
Host
05:26
get that. I don't need a floobity boop. No one does. No one does. 

Ellie
Host
05:30
Ellie, it's not useful. Hey, ellie, yes. 

Julia
Host
05:33
Julia Speaking of floobity dupes. Okay, guess who we have on the pod today. 

Ellie
Host
05:39
She's a real floobity dupe, isn't she? She's a real floobity-doop, isn't? 

Julia
Host
05:41
she? She's a real floobity-doop, isn't she? No, oh Abby, forgive us. No, we don't even know. Floobity-doop could be a very good thing, I'd love for a doctor to be like. 

05:47
You don't have this. You have a floobity-doop and it is excellent. It's going to change your life. Your floobity-doop is perfect, just the way it is. I don't know where that just went like this, because I'm blind. All right, coming to you from Frankfurt, germany, we have Abigail Paul, a dynamic performer and BBC Writers' Room Popcorn Award nominee, who Theatre Weekly said lights up the stage. Abigail's cerebral and confessional comedy style has graced renowned festivals and stages such as the Laugh Factory, edinburgh Fringe and the Leicester is it Leicester, ellie, leicester Leicester Comedy Festival. There we go. Her passion for languages and cultures endears her to audiences of all backgrounds, charming audiences from London to Barcelona. She is touring now with her upcoming solo show, miscommunication, which premieres at Brighton Fringe in May of 2024. And we've known Abigail forever. You may remember her from Circling the Drain podcast. She is a delight to have on and I'm really looking forward to talking to her, because it's always a good time. 

Ellie
Host
06:51
Always a good time. Bloopity doop, bloopity doop. 

Abigail
Guest
06:57
Abigail Paul, we're so happy you're here, julia, ellie, I couldn't be happier to be here. 

Ellie
Host
07:04
Hi, it's so nice to hear You're floating in a black void and we're floating in pink voids and we could be anywhere, but you're in Germany. I am, yeah, and we're not. We're not All right, abigail, we have a question for you, okay. 

Julia
Host
07:19
Abigail, what kind of patient are you? The worst Explain. 

Abigail
Guest
07:29
Say more oh, what kind of patient are you the worst? Explain say more oh my gosh, I mean I am the absolute worst patient. I think that is the theme for me and all patienthood that I've ever had throughout my medical history. Nobody wants me. I apologize to every doctor. I'm like I'm so sorry this is about to happen to you. Uh, I once got a little piece of glass stuck in my foot and I kicked the doctor like I properly, and I he I said I was gonna. You know I was he. He was jabbing my foot and there was glass in it. So yeah, I'm just, it's not that I'm not warning. Yeah, it's not that I'm not polite about it, it's just that I am absolutely the worst. 

Ellie
Host
08:02
So so is this just like you? I just want one more sentence about this. Like are you a big baby? 

Abigail
Guest
08:08
Yes, okay, all right, the world's worst baby and you know, I think it's. I didn't really have medical insurance growing up. I don't know about you guys, but it's pretty typical, you know, cause for young people, americans we just kind of wing it Like you'll probably be fine, kind of wing it like you'll probably be fine, and so I didn't really go to the doctor that much. So I built it up in my head, you know, uh, I had my first cavity, like last year. I had, like you know, I never got stung by a bee, things like that. I just didn't have a lot of medical things. You didn't have a reason to go right. And then you build it up in your head but, like, even the very first thing I did was getting some sort of like uh, what, when you call those vaccination yeah, they're good, we love them. Uh, when I was really young, what is it? 

Ellie
Host
08:49
maybe they shot her there. Did they shoot you in? 

Abigail
Guest
08:51
the wrist, uh, no, no, I was just trying to think of the word um. 

Ellie
Host
08:56
I know it's right here. 

Abigail
Guest
08:57
Okay, here's. This is because I was recently at an airbnb and um the woman tried to murder me with her apartment because the door handles were made out of razor blades very attractive, but like like I can send you a picture. It was like it was like super thin wait say that again what was made out of the door handles in the apartment yeah, we're all made out of this like really like design, beautiful like, but very thin kind of like, yeah, metal. 

09:25
So razor blade metal yeah so I had to wrap the thing in, like my t-shirts, to not stab myself strangest thing I've ever heard. Well, I am a klutz, you know. So that doesn't help my medical marvel problem. 

09:40
Here's what I would ask for if, if there is a picture of these doorknobs, I want yeah, yeah, okay we'll post it, we'll post it, we'll post, we can we can see how ridiculous these door handles were, because was there anything in the reviews? No, and I don't even tell the woman and I feel like that's kind of like I'm cheating on my own persona because my whole thing is like I'm not that nice, but I didn't have the heart to tell her. Listen, you have fantastic taste, but your house is trying to get me but your doorknobs are trying to kill me. 

10:11
Yeah, it was really yeah, wow, they need to baby proof that apartment for me and I think it's embarrassing because, like no one else, did post anything about it maybe maybe she's bleeding everyone and we're all being nice about it, but no one wants to say it. 

Julia
Host
10:23
On booking that's what I think I mean. Especially if there's like a big british population, then they're definitely not going to complain about it right the way they get drunk. 

Abigail
Guest
10:32
No, just those door handles. 

Julia
Host
10:34
I was going to say just the way that they're put, the politeness oh, yeah, that too yeah, they're gonna like they're gonna tell you about the the door handles, but they're not going to tell the owner they're not going to they're not going to mention it in the review. Everything was everything was lovely. 

Ellie
Host
10:46
Just got a little bit. It's all right, don't mind. 

Abigail
Guest
10:49
Don't mind me she does provide uh in her bathroom, like that um medical, what's that like? 

Ellie
Host
10:55
like neosporin yeah. 

Julia
Host
10:57
Well, they don't. Yeah, that's not that, because it's not here. So that could have been a clue. 

Ellie
Host
11:03
Wow. 

Julia
Host
11:04
That took us in a whole. That was wow. 

Ellie
Host
11:06
But we're back, yeah, we're back and now let's hear the story that you came to tell us, which is beautifully titled a tale of two cysts. 

Abigail
Guest
11:19
Yes, well, we wanted to talk about like medical issues and I was thinking about, like, if you guys recall cause you were not on this trip with me because you now live in New York but when we were University of Orlando, some friends of ours went on a big New York City trip. It was like my first time going to the big city, you know what I mean. Like I love musicals and it was like a musical. You know, I was so excited, right and and and we were maybe 18, maybe you know we didn't have a lot of money, so like when you buy the ticket it's not like you can just cancel something like that. You know. But I did notice right before we left for our big trip to the big city, we were going to see Rent the Musical for the first time, so that should date it perfectly yeah uh, it was still on Broadway originally and can I? 

Julia
Host
12:02
I have to interject for just a moment because I remember this time, because I was living with some of the people who went with you Correct, and upon your return, rent was forever ruined for me because you all just sang it incessantly all the time, to the extent that I never, ever, wanted to see the show. I was just like I can't stand the show. 

Ellie
Host
12:22
And I will add for the listeners that I lived with Abigail at the time, and I don't I didn't know how to drive, nor do I still know how to drive, so I was at her mercy to drive me to and from our classes at university every day, and Abigail blasted Rent every day to and from school and sang it at the top of her lungs. And your singing is lovely, but Rent did get it got tired, it got tired singing is lovely, but rent did get. 

12:49
Uh, it got tired, it got tired. And then recently my my son got into it and I was having ptsd when my like nine-year-old was screaming it from his bedroom. I was like it's back, it's back, it's back it was very lovey boehm. 

Abigail
Guest
12:59
There was nothing we could do. It was an anthem you know it had well, but you know karma got me, I think, because I went to the trip so excited. 

13:09
But I noticed before we left there was something like wrong or off and I dealt with it by ignoring it obviously yeah completely, I mean, and then I sat on a plane for what was not that long, maybe two hours, two and a half hours from Florida, new York, I guess, but then you have to walk new york city, and I had never done that before because, as you all know, we lived in florida, right. 

Julia
Host
13:31
So you don't walk in florida. 

Abigail
Guest
13:32
No, if you don't drive ellie, you still have someone drive you walk no, no I remember coming back from europe once and I was walking on the street and someone thought I was a whore, because that's just how we are in florida nobody that's right, so nobody walks we, you go to New York, and I've sat on that plane for a while. 

13:47
and then we were all the way up at our friend's apartment, and I want to say it was Washington Heights. It was a good, good old walk, good old walk down to other things, and I slowly but surely noticed that I could no longer walk because I was in intense and serious pain and it was so bad that I decided that, um well, I think everyone else decided for me that I was going to have to stop complaining, and so I thought you were going to say everyone decided for you that you needed medical attention. 

Julia
Host
14:15
No, but they decided for you that you needed to shut up. 

Ellie
Host
14:18
Shut the fuck up. You're ruining La Vie Boheme. 

Abigail
Guest
14:22
It was their big trip to the big city too right. So I felt horrendously guilty for ruining it that I hadn't sort of noticed there was a problem before I left and then, you know, I tried to like not have it and then it was too bad. So we took me off to the hospital and, um, and I don't know what the situation is now in New York, but to walk into a New York city emergency room at that time, what would that have been 1997? Ish, sure, yeah, that sounds right. Yeah, um, I had to put two thousand dollars down on my credit card just to walk in, just to be like hi, let me fill out the paperwork. I don't know, are your faces shocked by that? 

14:58
yeah, I don't remember yeah, I didn't have health insurance because you didn't have health? 

15:03
yeah, because you didn't have insurance, yeah, so yeah, and, and it, and you know there was no hope I was gonna get that money back, but also I couldn't walk anymore. So, um, so, like, I parted ways with my money that was not to be treated by the way, that wasn't gonna include any treatment. I was like here I am, please help me. Um, so I, I, I went, and you know, again, all my friends should have been out walking around the city and, you know, eating whatever it is in the big apple, I don't know, and I, you know just street meat yeah. 

15:32
But instead we were all in the New York city emergency room and it was Columbia and there was like no visible roof. 

Julia
Host
15:38
You, know, it was like terrible very, very big bummer. Um no pun intended. 

Abigail
Guest
15:44
Yeah, and then I got my very first doctor probably not my first doctor, but one of my first doctors because I hadn't had issues really or been to doctors, and he was so hot and I found that of course, wait, there's a pattern here with you and like hot doctors oh yeah, my other doctor. Yeah, I've had a lot of hot doctors, but this is my first one. Oh your first one it was on my ass, the problem, right yeah. 

Julia
Host
16:05
I should, yeah, I should, we should. I was about to say you need to. You should probably tell everyone where this is Right. 

Abigail
Guest
16:09
Well, the reason I couldn't walk was because I, I didn't know at that time, I just cause it was behind me and I just knew that I couldn't walk anymore. So, anyway, uh, he uh looked at it and my butt, you know, and he said that I and my friend, my girlfriend, was with me and uh, she, she, she was also very young and attractive and I noticed that as he was licking my butt, they were kind of making eyes together and then he went out to like a procedural problem or something, or like check on some, and I was like, girl, you are dating and I am dying. 

16:44
That's not cool. Anyway, it turned out to be a pillinoidal cyst and there's nothing you can do but um and this is a cyst. 

Ellie
Host
16:53
If I recall, this is like sort of at the very like the top above the crack of your ass. 

Abigail
Guest
16:59
Right it's like the base of your spine. 

Ellie
Host
17:01
It's like a coccyx spot. 

Abigail
Guest
17:04
If I'm honest, he must've done something, because I was able to walk after this, so he treated it somehow, yeah, and then it turned out that I just had to, and to this day I take so many baths because I just have to always and only get ever really kind of goes away. If you had them, you're gonna get another one. So I just have to keep it incredibly clean and, like make sure that nothing bad ever happens to your butt crack. I don't know what I'd done to my butt crack to get it in this condition, but you know it's all fixed now. 

Julia
Host
17:30
And the Germans? The Germans are like just take a sitz bath, you just sitz bath. 

Abigail
Guest
17:34
This is all in America. 

Julia
Host
17:36
No, they say it here too. 

Abigail
Guest
17:38
Oh really, okay, yeah, so that was my first like major cyst. And then, you guys know, I moved to Germany in 2001 and for no better reason than I just thought it would be fun, germany, take that in, so I just thought it'd be fun and uh, but what it turns out is like. Human rights are super fun. 

17:58
I love them you know they're really, really good, health insurance being the number one human right that I'm in love with, because now I was this freedom to like have as many cysts as I want, and so I guess my body was like just ready to get on board with the cysts. 

18:12
Yeah, so, you know, I wouldn't, I don't even. I don't remember like how I had the bravery to have a gynecologist appointment. I don't know, but I did. And I went to my first gynecologist appointment in Germany and they were so chill about this. They just, you know, they do the ultrasound bit and the female doctor, uh, immediately detected that I had an ovarian cyst, right, which sounds serious, but it's really just like a pimple, right, it's a pimple on your uterus. 

Julia
Host
18:39
It's not a huge deal and she was very, very common. And they're you typically on your. 

Abigail
Guest
18:44
They're typically on your ovaries, not on your uterus oh yeah, that's correct, correct, yes, like ovarian cyst, right? Yeah, it was like in that general. Yes, it's all you know it's there connected, yeah, sure, and uh. What killed me, though, was she was just like okay, so we found this cyst and so, uh, we can probably get you into the hospital on thursday. I was like hospital, I just started seeing a doctor and she wants me to go get a surgery, and I was like okay, a surgery. 

19:11
No, no, I, I panicked, I cried and I left and I didn't go back for a really long time because chicken like to ignore, because denial denial so good. It's my favorite game, is it a? 

Ellie
Host
19:24
really long time. You didn't go back for a long time, like a few weeks or like months or years. 

Abigail
Guest
19:29
I can't remember, but what I do know is that I switched health insurance in the meantime and because I kind of changed jobs and I wound up having to take a private health insurance was actually really rare here. People don't usually this is going to become important later but people don't usually get private insurance. But I had to do some freelance work and therefore I had to do only like the private insurance, and in Germany it's hard to get and it's also much better, just like in everywhere. You know, like the private insurance you get like the best stuff and whatever. And so I was too embarrassed to go back to that doctor. So I wound up crying and a friend of mine helped me find another doctor, because you know, when you move to a country like Germany you're not very functional because I couldn't speak the language. 

Julia
Host
20:09
Yeah. 

Abigail
Guest
20:09
Yeah, so someone else had to help me out. I don't remember, was it like the guilt or the shame, but finally I was like I think I have to go see a gynecologist. Boo hoo, will you help me? 

20:30
She got me an appointment and my very hot german gynecologist who is also a psychiatrist he's the john ham adjacent, yes, doctor, dr dr muller. And what you may not have realized because you don't live here, is that dr muller was on a street called kaiserstrasse, which is famously also a red light district, oh great. And there is also on that same street dr muller's Blue Kino, which I think is international. We all get what that is right. Blue Kino, blue Kino, we don't get that, okay. No, blue Kino is like it's a whorehouse, okay. 

Ellie
Host
20:58
Okay, all right Kino. Here is a gambling game. 

Abigail
Guest
21:02
It's a brothel A Kino. Like in a lot of places is the cinema A brothel A Kino, like in a lot of places is the cinema. So blue Kino is like a brothel a dirty cinema. It's a dirty cinema. Correct, it's a dirty cinema. So I think I haven't been inside me personally, but I think it's like a sex shop a dirty cinema and there's like a brothel on the back Right. 

21:23
Okay, but I do remember it's a one-stop shop. Yeah, but it's a one-stop shop. Yeah, I just remember telling my friend June here in Germany. I said, you know, I think I found a really good gynecologist and if you know, if you want to go, you should make an appointment. So she just looked it up on the phone book back then and she looked up, you know, dr Mueller on the Kaiserstrasse and she called Dr Mueller's flu Kino to make an appointment for her kind of college. They were like nope, wrong place, wrong place, it's not nope. She was like no, I want to make an appointment with you. And they were like no, you don't. No, you really don't. So anyway, um, dr Mueller, I had. I went there and he was. I had to explain to him that I was the worst. I put it out in no uncertain terms. I was like I want you to understand what I do. I run away, I cry, I can't handle this. 

Julia
Host
22:11
I might kick you. 

Abigail
Guest
22:12
Yeah, I might kick you. They told me I had to have surgery. That was very rude, I can't. And he was like I understand Very, you know, I told you he's a psychiatrist. So he like he like did some jedi shit on me so I would keep coming back. And he was like girl pal, we're just gonna watch it. And I was like, okay, that sounds good, I'm into that, let's watch this, watch it. I don't want to, I don't want to deal with this, I just want to watch it. But then I think another full year went by and we were watching it get bigger and worse he was like it is now time to remove the cyst like we're. 

Julia
Host
22:45
We've moved out of the watching stage and we are now in the doing stage. 

Abigail
Guest
22:50
Right, but I think emotionally I had adjusted to the reality that I was likely going to have to have the surgery. And it was a keyhole surgery. 

Julia
Host
22:58
So it was like laparoscopic, it wasn't Right. Yeah, not major, yeah. 

Ellie
Host
23:02
Not a keynote surgery. 

Julia
Host
23:04
No, not a keynote surgery no, not a keynote. 

Abigail
Guest
23:08
So, um, so like he was really good at reassuring me. I was like there was, you know, there's several hospitals in the area and he was like I'm sending you to this hospital. Um, this is where my wife went to the hospital. Like, this is a hospital you're going to. So I felt quite reassured. He understood my needs and I wound up at the hospital where you have to start the whole process again with new people. You know, dr Mueller's not there anymore and I, you have to go to the like the, the pre-op stuff, right? And so my pre-op doctor just comes around, you know, asks you some standard questions and then she whips out this giant binder. Germans love a binder. If they can file it, well, they love it. So, um, and she just opens the big binder and she's like so this is what's gonna happen. And she starts flipping through the binder with fucking pictures of the surgery, of the insides, of what like they're gonna do to me. And I was like, do you want me to go through with? Are you crazy? 

Julia
Host
24:08
Shut that binder. 

Abigail
Guest
24:09
I shut that binder. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't throw it, but I really was like why would you do this? And she was no binder. No, but she was so surprised though she said oh, I'm so sorry, it's just German women, they want to know. 

Julia
Host
24:20
I want to know. I would be. I see I would be appreciative. 

Abigail
Guest
24:23
I'd be like show me all of the things well, that's the thing I wondered again, because I'm a big, giant, fucking baby. Am I the crazy person? Because were they? 

Ellie
Host
24:31
sorry, were they illustrations or photographs of previous surgeries? 

Abigail
Guest
24:34
it was like all of the above. You know it was diagrams bullet points, pictures. You know, all in sure it's all done on an iPad now, but this was, you know, back in the day and yeah, finder finder, and that's the question I have is yes, I'm a baby, we all know that. But like, do people really want to know what they're going to do to you? Julia you would obviously want to know. 

Ellie
Host
24:54
I do. I like to know, but visuals are not my thing. Like just a quick digression, julia knows this. When I was giving birth the doctor asked me. She said it's helpful if we wheel up a big mirror and you can like take a look and like make a visual connection between what's going on. I was like I don't really think I need that, like I have a good mind body connection, I'm good. She was like some people just really like this, like let's just try it. She wheels up a giant mirror. I sit up and I look and I see all the all the business in a very un beautiful state and I take one look at it and I was like I'm good, take it away. I'm like get rid of the mirror. So I want to know. But I don't need to see. Like even on TV, if they're showing surgery, even if it's like you know it's clearly fake, not even a real surgery, like dramatized surgery I have to look away. I don't, I don't like it. So I can understand wanting to hear what's going to happen. 

Julia
Host
25:48
Maybe you don't want to hear it or see it. I want to go to bed. Abigail doesn't want any of it. She wants magic. 

Abigail
Guest
25:54
The anesthesiologist was like listen, by law I have to tell you what's going to happen to you. And I was like I'm going to sign that document that says you told me what you're going to do to me and you're not going to tell me because otherwise this isn't happening. I can't hear about it. I just I don't want to know about it. I'm very like no, no, no, no, no. 

Ellie
Host
26:13
You want a magician and you want, like David Blaine, to make frowsist disappear. 

Abigail
Guest
26:17
Correct. 

Ellie
Host
26:18
Got it. 

Abigail
Guest
26:18
And, and you know again, once you get into the hospital, then they're, you know they have to do all these exams, and I was worried like they were going to be like um, like you know, ragging on me for my weight or whatever, cause I felt like American doctors might do that. And then I remember, like at the pre, like at the pre-op, all that kind of the procedures, and I remember this german doctor said to me he was like frau paul, it is more, but it is not too much oh it's like how nice. 

Julia
Host
26:47
Yeah, I feel like that, like I like that proper supermodel, put it on a fucking t-shirt, man more. But it is not too much, it is more, but it's not too much, it's. 

Abigail
Guest
26:55
It's that gentle balance the germans have. You know, I joke about them being um overly honest, but you know that was, that was kind of him. And uh, the other thing they kept doing is they kept saying, like um, because it was on my ovary, yes, correct, and they were like you know, she has I can't say it in english so well, meaning, she has more or another wish for children, right? So it was like she kept it, kept her like saying, like we don't want to we don't want to remove the ovary because she had children. 

27:30
Yeah, and I was really young and I was like I remember. So I remember the first time you told me you wanted to have kids. I thought you were kidding. 

Ellie
Host
27:37
Right. 

Abigail
Guest
27:38
I didn't know that people really wanted to have kids. 

Julia
Host
27:40
But we all said it was weird, guys, people do that on purpose. 

Abigail
Guest
27:44
It's like I don't really want to have kids. I'm just like I want to keep my ovary. Yeah, I didn't. 

Ellie
Host
27:49
I wouldn't do anything with it. 

Abigail
Guest
27:51
No, irritating to me after like 15 Germans were like she had no kinderwunsch and I was like, or maybe she just likes her ovary, leave her kinderwunsch out of all this, but like, very careful about my kinderwunsch. And then, yeah, I had the. I had the laparoscopic surgery and again they they to to in order to make space in there, which I gave them a good canvas kids. But they have to blow up your whole belly full of air in order to get in there with their little robots and tools or whatever. And they were not wrong. Once you recover, once you wake up from everything, it's not that bad. But the bad part was the gas that they put inside of you. It's not like your gas, but like they fill you with air. They fill you. It was horrendous. That was the worst part. I couldn't fart. I couldn't fart, I couldn't get it out. There was no belching. I was just like I would fart on anyone right now to get the shit out of me. Get the shit out of me. 

Ellie
Host
28:48
What you needed was the doorknob from the Airbnb to just stab it and just like let all the air out like a balloon. 

Abigail
Guest
28:52
Yeah, so they told me before I went in oh, there was an important thing, like when I told you I switched doctors but I also switched health insurance and I went to the private health insurance and when I signed up for that insurance, they ask you again questions. I sent a lady to my house and we went through the whole questionnaire and she did it all in English because I couldn't speak German well enough at that time, and she asked me the question in English. She said you know what's your name and address and blah, blah, blah, and do you have any diseases? And I answered no, because for me a disease is like cancer, crohn's disease, you know something that you've been diagnosed with. So I honestly answered the question no. But later, when I learned German better, I figured out. What she probably meant was do you have any illnesses? Right, an ovarian cyst would technically be in the range of what she was a pre-existing condition yes yeah, I believe that's what she wanted to ask. 

29:45
But I answered the question honestly at the time, as asked. I did not have any diseases, so anyway I was. I was in the hospital and they said it would take four days but it wound up taking six. It was just like a couple extra days for everything to be like extra good. But also because I was on the private insurance. 

30:00
You get to see the Oberarzt, which is the top doctor, the Chefarzt, because chef means boss. So the boss doctor was coming in to check on my kinderwunsch and I was getting like all the best treatment, right, because I had that private insurance and, like I said, very few people have it here. It's like it's like either freelancers or the top 10 percent, right. So they, they treat you well. I had a private room, like everything, she, she, but I got. I got um the two extra days and then I went straight back to work on the Monday after, like, I had my six days in hospital. Then I went back to work on Monday and the next time I saw Dr Mueller. I told him that and he was like shocked. He was like you, you did what? Because he expected me to come in asking for like a sick paper or whatever you know. 

30:49
I forget I don't know how you call it in English, but like a, you know, a proof that a doctor's note a doctor's note. 

Julia
Host
30:53
Thank you, yeah, yeah, exactly, and I didn't because I went. 

Abigail
Guest
30:54
You know like I just that you're A doctor's note, a doctor's note, thank you. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I didn't because I went, you know, like I just wanted to go back to work and earn money, because I'm. American. That's what we do, and he was like Rob Powell. In this respect. You are very brave. No German would ever do this. 

Julia
Host
31:11
Go back to work after being in the hospital. 

Abigail
Guest
31:12
No German would ever go back to work after being in the hospital. 

Julia
Host
31:14
I would never go back to work after being in the hospital. That's crazy. 

Abigail
Guest
31:16
I'm thinking of all the women who go back to work at five minutes after being pregnant. Oh yeah, this is what we do like we. 

Julia
Host
31:22
You know we don't have a lot of choices. 

Abigail
Guest
31:23
We don't have a lot of choices, so um, and I was freelancing at the time, so I was like I don't even make money. 

Julia
Host
31:28
I gotta earn money man. 

Abigail
Guest
31:31
I'm gonna go teach those dangling participles to those Germans because I got to make money. I was teaching English. It's a real shit job, but that's what I could do at the beginning, so that's what I did. And, um, yeah, so then I got the. So I was like really, I started to like really ruminate about this do you have diseases? Question, and I started getting like more and more paranoid about this idea that maybe I was gonna have to pay for the surgery, right? I mean, oh, ptsd, ptsd, yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe I was going to have to pay for the surgery, right? 

Julia
Host
31:56
I mean yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. 

Abigail
Guest
32:01
So I was kind of freaking out. And the way that normal insurance in Germany works to the public, you would never see a bill. You don't know what anything costs. You just give them your card, you, you you occasionally like, I think if you take an ambulance it's like 10 euros or 15 euros or some like little extra fee or something. There are certainly things not covered, but in general you don't see how much anything costs. 

32:23
But in the private insurance the way it always works is the patient gets the bill and they send the bill on to the health insurance company to be paid. Sometimes they will even like if it's a small bill, like a doctor does it, you pay for it yourself and then they reimburse you. But with um, if it's a small bill, like a doctor does it, you pay for it yourself and then they reimburse you. But with uh surgery, they just send you the bill so you have a copy of it. So I got the bill and I was like sweating about opening this letter and then I opened it. Do you know what six days of the over arts protecting my kinderwunsch costs in germany? 

32:54
oh can you guess for me, because I would be very curious $35,000 are you? 

Ellie
Host
33:02
waiting for me to guess. Yeah, I feel like it's going to be the opposite. I feel like it's going to be super low, shocking on the super low end, so like a hundred dollars no, that you're. 

Abigail
Guest
33:13
You're both wrong in the extremes okay. 

Ellie
Host
33:15
Okay, great, great, I was just trying, I don't know yeah. 

Abigail
Guest
33:18
Yeah, but your instinct's right, because it was $2,360. 

Julia
Host
33:21
Yeah, that would be like a $50,000, $100,000 or more, I don't even know yeah, in the US at the hospital that's if you Advil, like at a hospital, right Like they bill you ridiculous for ridiculous, stupid shit. 

Abigail
Guest
33:34
Yes, so I remember thinking like I could pay that, like it would take me a minute to make that money, but I could pay that Right, like, and then I had to. 

Julia
Host
33:42
if you had had to, yeah, yeah. 

Abigail
Guest
33:46
But you didn't get her fired. Do you have? Do you have diseases? Do you have diseases? This is not how you ask that question. Insurance adjuster. Oh well well, you got away with it abby, all these years. I did, I did, I got away with it. So that's my tale of two cysts. 

Ellie
Host
34:01
I love talking about these things because it just always makes me feel like we're all the prettiest princesses, you know in what way. Just like, just I mean the things that the things we're all humans and like, especially as women. We're like trying to I don't know maintain some sort of like we like. 

Julia
Host
34:21
We don't pee and poop and nothing gross happens with our bodies, but we are the grossest. 

Ellie
Host
34:26
Like the things that grow on us and in us and what you have to do to them and how just disgusting, and the things that come out of us. Right. 

Julia
Host
34:35
All of it, all of it, all of it. Pretty, pretty princesses yes, that's the title of this episode Pretty, pretty princesses. The detail. 

Ellie
Host
34:43
You know I've known the Pellinitles story for a long time and the detail Abigail didn't share that was my favorite from the story at the time was in the moment where our friends who were with her were wanting her to shut the fuck up. She was with some very tall friends and these very tall friends had a long stride and not only were walking all the hell over New York City, which is what you do, but were walking briskly, and one very tall, lovely friend in particular said the phrase step it up, and I've never forgotten. 

35:16
I know who that was that, in your pain and discomfort and whining, for a very good reason, you were told to step it up and you were like, step it up. You don't even understand. It was like come on, step it up. Those were the days. 

Abigail
Guest
35:34
Yeah. And I haven't mentioned names not because, you know, for any other reason than it's a. You know they're not here to approve me telling the story, sure? 

Julia
Host
35:42
but. 

Abigail
Guest
35:42
I forgot the funny detail of step it up. Yeah, because I think I was probably trying to play it down so I didn't for sure wasn't this the bummer, but then I think probably she said stepping up and there's a good chance. I cried a lot and then everyone was like let's take you to the hospital. 

Ellie
Host
36:00
Step it up to the hospital. 

Julia
Host
36:02
That wasn't on my go to New York bingo card. 

Ellie
Host
36:04
No. 

Abigail
Guest
36:05
I mean, I do remember from the pictures and the time and seeing rent Once we got you know past the hospital part. Yeah, we were. We were great. We had a really good time. 

Ellie
Host
36:15
Yes, I was jealous. It sounded like you had fun. 

Abigail
Guest
36:18
Yeah, it was fun. 

Ellie
Host
36:19
Everything after that was fun. Thank you for sharing a tale of two sis. This was good. Please tell our listeners where they can find your work on the internet or anywhere, or anywhere. 

Abigail
Guest
36:33
Yes, I'm mostly a live performer, but this has got to make content because it's 2024. You can't just be a performer nope in a room and tell jokes. So, um, I am, uh, to my great disdain, uh going to be stepping up my social media game and I would come to you guys for maybe some tips on that. But anywhere on the twitters, theches, the things you can call me, you can find me at Abby for laughs, and it turns out that's the number four? 

Julia
Host
37:05
Yeah, exactly. 

Abigail
Guest
37:05
Abby A-B-B-Y, because every other spelling is weird for laughs. 

Ellie
Host
37:11
And we'll put it in the show notes. 

Julia
Host
37:13
Thank you yeah, yeah, yeah. 

Ellie
Host
37:15
I love it. 

Julia
Host
37:16
Yeah, this was great. I've always been spending time with you and hanging out. 

Abigail
Guest
37:20
Yeah, I love it too. 

Ellie
Host
37:21
Step it up. 

Abigail
Guest
37:25
Thank you guys for having me.