Glittery Lube and Leprechauns (with Jason Moyer and Bradley Michaud)

This is our first episode featuring a married couple! Bradley Michaud married our college bestie Jason Moyer, and we love them both so much we wish we were their sister wives.  Regarding the topic of illness, one is a delicate flower who has barely had more than strep, and the other has survived two near-death experiences and talks about them as if they were trips to a theme park. Tune in for vivid descriptions of hospital room hallucinations, high school blood donations, and drug use accusations. (Poetry, people!)

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Transcript

Ellie [00:00:08] Hello. Welcome to open Up and Say HA. Stories from underneath the paper gown. Hi, Julia. 

Julia [00:00:15] Hi, Ellie. It's always so good to see your face. 

Ellie [00:00:17] It's good to see you, too. I like how we're in, tank tops of alternate of different colors. I'm on the light side. You're on the dark side. I'm on arms. Arms. 

Julia [00:00:26] I'm arm because I'm. I'm putting out a little bit. So I'm just like, yeah. 

Ellie [00:00:30] Me too. It's sweaty. I have the air on, but I'm sweating. Sweating. 

Julia [00:00:33] I'm, I'm I'm a little sweaty. Yeah. So what happens? I'm really excited about our guest today. 

Ellie [00:00:39] Me too. But I'm also excited to tell you this dumb ass thing I did this week. 

Julia [00:00:43] Yeah, yeah, I have one for you, too. And I'm excited to hear yours. So you you go first. You go first, Ali. 

Ellie [00:00:48] All right. It's so stupid. I so remember, I was so listeners, I bought Julia this avocado tool because I have this avocado tool that I randomly inherited from God knows where. It's not a thing that you need, but it's a thing that's delightful to use. It helps you remove the pit very seamlessly. You can slice it up very seamlessly. I was being lazy the other day and I was very exhausted and just like not being mindful and not paying attention. And so I decided to use the old method of removing an avocado pit where you sort of like stab a knife into the center of it, twist and pull. But I was, as I said, not being mindful, and I stabbed, but not hard enough. So the knife slipped and I sliced it into my middle finger. The pointer part. Oh my. Better. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. So I immediately like pull the knife out, put it down. Shout for my family to like get me a Band-Aid, put all the pressure, put the Neosporin, do all the things you're supposed to do, and then proceed with like making my salad. Like I was fine. It wasn't that bad. I did it in stitches. That's not the point. 

Julia [00:01:53] Good. 

Ellie [00:01:54] This was a particular night where, you know, we all kind of ate our own thing. I don't know, my son eat leftovers. My husband ate something else, and I was having a salad. And as we're all sitting and eating our various things and my husband says. Did you wash that knife before you cut the rest of your vegetables for your salad? And I looked at him and I said, no. No, I did not. And like, to be fair, there wasn't blood on it did go inside my finger. There wasn't like a bloodbath on the knife. And I wasn't feeding it to anybody else. But it did make him question everything I've ever fed him or served him. And like that, I mean, he cook. Sometimes I cook sometimes. It's not like I'm stuffing my mouth. 

Julia [00:02:34] I'm like. 

Ellie [00:02:35] I do prepare the meals on most of the. I work from home. I'm here. Right? So he's just looking at me sideways, like, how many times bitch have you stuck like an implement into your body? And then proceeded to use it on my food? But yeah, I have a nice little. It just looks like a paper cut now. It's fine, but I. I don't clean knives after I stab myself, is what I just really wasn't paying attention. I just was like, I know I was tired, my mind was somewhere else. I don't know, I think I, you know, what I had done? I had chaperoned a goddamn fifth grade field trip that day. God damn. Well, I just, I challenge anyone to properly cut an avocado after chaperoning a fifth grade field trip. 

Julia [00:03:15] Yeah. 

Ellie [00:03:16] What's yours? 

Julia [00:03:18] So I, I teach Pilates, and I had a private client, and I. There's one of the places I work has. It actually doesn't matter like these. If you've ever touched a spring on a reformer or any kind of, like, Pilates equipment, they have these springs, and the tips of the springs are not the tips of the springs, but they have, like, a clip at the end that you can clip things on. You can clip like, handles and all sorts of things. And for some reason, sometimes the little like, piece that you push down to open the clip gets kind of like sharp and pointy. I don't know why this is, and I don't know if this has happened to anyone else, but this has happened to me multiple times and actually happened to one of my students. So I was like, okay, I'm not crazy, but sometimes I just like it slices my finger open and I don't know why. And I get almost like a little paper cut is what it looks like. 

Ellie [00:04:06] Yeah. 

Julia [00:04:08] So cut to I've got this private client. He's brand new. I've never met him before, so I'm trying to do. There's a few things going on here, right? Like I'm trying to do all the right things for his body. I'm trying to do what he needs. But I'm also, like, trying to be myself. Because I want this person to keep poking me and keep coming back, you know? So there's a little bit of of selling it. And then I'm also like doing right by him and doing all the good things. So I get him on the reformer. I had just unclipped a spring and put it away, and he's sitting with his legs straight. It doesn't matter how. I'm not going to describe the position because it's irrelevant. So and I go to like do a correction and I go to touch his, his leg and I just smear blood. Oh, like the knee like to the top of his thigh. And I was just like, oh my God. And then I'm like, is it your blood? Is it my blood? Whose blood is this? Whose blood is this? You know? And I realize it's mine. And, luckily, he wasn't saved. I'm so grateful, that he was, like, totally cool about it. And, you know, I went and got alcohol wipes and, like, watched him down, white myself down, got a bandaid on, continued with the session, got through it and like made it through without anything too crazy happening. But, and he actually booked me again. And to come back, however, it was really, embarrassing and Yeah. So watch out for those clips, man. Oh, the chat is. I know, it's crazy. Crazy. It's. 

Ellie [00:05:37] You got it on his skin, not on his clothing. 

Julia [00:05:39] On his. Well, I got a little bit on his clothing and I was like peroxide on that and it'll come out, but I mean, like, smeared. Smeared on his skin. 

Ellie [00:05:48] Like a crime scene. 

Julia [00:05:50] Like a crime scene. Yeah. 

Ellie [00:05:51] That's. Well, good for you for booking him again. I mean, you must figure that. Good. That's really. This is an advertisement for you. Oh, my God, ladies and gents, that's red. She might bleed on you, but she'll be back. 

Julia [00:06:05] She'll be back. 

Ellie [00:06:06] There you go. Tagline. We have a. 

Julia [00:06:08] Tagline. I may bleed on you, but you'll be back. Yeah. 

Ellie [00:06:11] So I am so excited for today's part because there are friends now and everybody who we have. 

Julia [00:06:16] Oh, there are very dear friends. So we've got, Brad Bradley, Michelle and Jason Moyer, who are our first married couple, which I think is like, cool. We've never had like married folks on before. And our first duo. Right? 

Ellie [00:06:30] I think so, yeah. Yeah, we've had a trio. We've not had a duo. 

Julia [00:06:33] Now we've got a duo. Well, so Jason Moyer is a very dear friend of ours from, college, so kind of like Ellie and I have known each other forever. Jason. We've known Jason that long as well. And let's see. So, Jason more in a previous life, Jason was a wildly unsuccessful actor and writer. He decided a few years ago to give up the hustle and change his life. He now works as a medical institution for a dermatologist in Brentwood, California. He spends his free time with his hubby, watching Dodger games and Bridgerton. So that's Jason's bio. That's who Jason is. And he's, one of my favorite people. I'm very excited to have him. 

Ellie [00:07:07] I love him dearly and love his husband. Bradley is a legal administrator in Los Angeles who spent 20 years as a professional dancer, and Bradley is and was an amazing dancer. So, you know, for those of you watching on YouTube, you'll get to see, a little bit of his bod, just a little bit of it, because his post dancer bod. We've got nice arms. 

Julia [00:07:30] He does. 

Ellie [00:07:31] Yeah. 

Julia [00:07:32] And good tattoos. 

Ellie [00:07:33] All the things all the they, they both have good all good things. All good things. Yeah. So check out their parts if you're watching. And if not just listen and imagine. 

Julia [00:07:41] Sure. Yeah. 

Ellie [00:07:41] That weird. 

Julia [00:07:43] Yes. But let's proceed. 

Ellie [00:07:45] Okay. 

Julia [00:07:47] Hello, everyone. Okay. Hi. 

Speaker 3 [00:07:50] Hello. 

Julia [00:07:51] Welcome, welcome. Yeah. Open up and say 

Ellie [00:07:58] It's so good to see you both. You're very gorgeous, as usual. Yeah. Listeners, if you're not watching on YouTube, they're very gorgeous, as usual. We, as usual, start every episode by asking a question. Julia, would you like to ask this question of these gentlemen? 

Julia [00:08:13] I do, so let's start with Jason. What? Okay. Would you say. 

Ellie [00:08:18] I said these gentle folk. 

Julia [00:08:19] Oh, gentle folk. Yeah, I like it. 

Ellie [00:08:21] I like being folksy. So I said gentle folk. 

Julia [00:08:25] I like it. 

Ellie [00:08:26] Emphasizing the l. 

Julia [00:08:27] I could hear it. 

Ellie [00:08:29] Wow. I'm going to stop. Please, please. 

Julia [00:08:31] I'm going to ask this question. 

Ellie [00:08:32] Okay? I'm in no place. 

Julia [00:08:33] Wow. Jason, what if you had to describe the kind of patient that you are? Like, what type of patient are you? 

Jason [00:08:42] Well, this will go back to the story I'm going to tell in a second, but, I've never had any real medical issues in my life that couldn't be solved with, like, a doctor's visit. NFL. Other than a, a kidney son, but that was no big deal. Like, I just went to the doctor. It was fine, but, so I don't know what kind of, like, intense patient I would be. But if I'm at home sick and the worst patient in the world. And you can ask my husband about that. 

Bradley [00:09:09] I agree. I will confirm he is a your CB. 

Julia [00:09:13] And maybe that describes describe disease. 

Jason [00:09:16] Maybe it's because I've never had like a major medical issue. But like the inconvenience of being sick to me is like the world's going to end. I can't do anything. I won't move off the couch. My husband has to do literally everything for me, like go to the store when I ask him. I'm just, like, in a sour mood. Don't talk to me. Just put on the Netflix and leave me alone to rot. 

Ellie [00:09:41] So you don't have the perspective that, like a near-death experience, gives someone you are operating from a baseline of any sickness, could be a near-death experience to you and you. Yeah, exactly, I get it. Sure. Yeah. 

Julia [00:09:55] Maybe my big, big, big, big baby. He's a big fucking baby. That's. Bradley, what kind of patient are you? 

Bradley [00:10:06] I am the opposite. I am a joy to be with when I'm ill. But if it's a hospital situation, I am taking lots of notes to be prepared. I'm asking lots of detailed questions. Is that coming up with a plan of action? Doing my own independent research. I'm a big nerd, so I apply that in all areas of my life, including, you know, life threatening emergencies. 

Julia [00:10:29] You are your own advocate. 

Bradley [00:10:31] Correct. 

Ellie [00:10:31] Which is excellent. 

Julia [00:10:32] Excellent. We like to hear it. Jason, Jason's a baby. You're an advocate. Got it. 

Bradley [00:10:37] Unless I am so near death, I can't advocate for myself. In which case. 

Julia [00:10:42] Jason the Advocate. 

Jason [00:10:43] Correct? Yeah, yeah. But let's also say, like in the time that we've been together in 14 years, that's happened twice. 

Julia [00:10:48] So which is a lot better than what? 

Bradley [00:10:51] I almost died twice. 

Julia [00:10:53] Yeah. 

Bradley [00:10:53] Like. 

Julia [00:10:55] These are great stories that we can't wait to hear. We're going to start with Jason. And, the story of, let's say, the title of Jason's story today is This Ain't It? No. 

Jason [00:11:09] Like I was saying, I've never had any real major medical issues. So we're going to start when I was, I had just turned 18 and I'm still in high school, and I had, gone to the doctor like the week previous to have, like, I guess you need shots when you go to college. I don't remember, but like you do, I think you need like, vaccines or shots or something. And let me also say that like until 18, I had probably never really been to the doctor more than once for anything. So I didn't have. 

Ellie [00:11:40] Like a real vigilant parent who did all the. 

Jason [00:11:42] Things. Well, what we had was a real poor parent. So if, you know, American health care system was great. We couldn't afford health care. Got it. And my parents didn't have health insurance either, which is crazy to me to think about that. But anyway, so I hadn't been to the doctor until I was like 18 and to go get my shots to go to college. Right. And then the week later, they brought in, like a blood bank to do, like a blood drive at the high school for people who are finally old enough to get their blood drawn, I guess. And, at that point, I was still in the closet and I had never had sex with a man, so I was actually allowed to give blood, because I don't know if people know that men who have sex with men are not allowed to give blood because we live in a crazy country. So I had that needle that gave me the vaccinations. I was like, oh, that was fine. That's nothing. I'll go get blood. This will be great. Also, I like to sleep a lot. 

Julia [00:12:38] I can confirm. 

Jason [00:12:39] I can confirm my husband can also confirm, this. It's one of my favorite things to do in life is to sleep. 

Julia [00:12:46] Okay. What are your hobbies, Jason? Sleeping. My hobby. 

Jason [00:12:49] Sleeping is sleeping and sleeping and thinking about sleep. Are thinking about the setup of my bedroom to sleep better. But because I'm telling you this. Because in high school, I would literally sleep until the last possible second, jump out of bed, get my clothes on, and go to school. I would never eat breakfast. I would just go. And so the morning of the blood drive came around and, it was like the period right before lunch. So I had gone. I've been awake for like four hours at this point. So I go into it was held in our auditorium and they had beds set up on the stage, which I think is funny now that, I'm looking back, but I lay in the bed and, everyone's getting ready and the nurse comes over to me and she's like, have you ever given blood before? And I was like, no, I've never done. I she goes, oh, well, this is going to be so much fun. And so she pulls out this needle, which was not like the needle that gave me the shot at the doctor, which is what I was expecting in my mind. It was like a huge knitting needle that they were going to put into my arm. So instantly I'm like, oh, maybe I shouldn't have done this. And, she inserts the needle into my arm and like, okay. And then she turns around and she goes to like, start another patient. And instantly I'm like, super sweaty. I'm like, clammy, like. And then like, it starts to, like, get starry and like, my vision starts to go and and I'm like, nurse, I think there's something wrong with me. And she doesn't turn around and she goes, no, you're just excited for giving blood the first time. And I go, no, I've been excited before, and this ain't it. He turns around and like, obviously, like, I picture myself, like, looking like E.T. when he's dying in the movie. Like that shriveled up, like White Corpse, because the look on her face became instantly like, oh my God. And there was some sort of, like, food put in my mouth. And there were like, two other attendants. And I do think I passed out for a little bit. So they bring me back to life. And I think from that point forward, I'll never give blood again. And, I have not been able to give blood because, you know, now I have sex with men. But cut to like ten years later. So between like 18 and 28, I was also poor and didn't have health insurance. So I didn't go to the doctor unless, like, I had, like, the urgent care to get like, oh, I need antibiotics or something. But I finally got health insurance and I was excited to finally have a primary care doctor. 

Julia [00:15:27] Oh, yeah. 

Jason [00:15:28] And my friend was like, you know, you're gay. You should go find, like, a male gay doctor because you'll feel more comfortable. And, I know this great guy. Let's go see him. So I looked him up on the internet, and I make an appointment, and I come to find out that he's a former Colt model. I don't know if you know what cult is. It was like a 1970s and 80s, like porn magazine, where they were like hunky men, like big men with, like, chest hair and like big bears. Models. Not like bears. Like like like like firemen. 

Julia [00:16:00] Like like. Oh, yes. Like. Okay. Got it, got it. 

Ellie [00:16:03] And it's Rip and Chippendales. 

Julia [00:16:06] Cult like. Do you alt or do you say cohorts. 

Jason [00:16:09] Like the horse? 

Julia [00:16:10] Like the horse. 

Jason [00:16:10] Light? 

Julia [00:16:11] Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Yes. Okay. So he's a former model of Colt. 

Ellie [00:16:16] To imply hung like a horse, perhaps? 

Julia [00:16:18] Yes. 

Ellie [00:16:19] The colt is like a baby horse, isn't it? And I'm dead. 

Julia [00:16:21] It is. Actually, it is. A baby horse is confusing. 

Ellie [00:16:25] Hung like the baby horse. 

Julia [00:16:26] Hung like a. Which is still pretty much. 

Jason [00:16:29] I was gonna say it could be pretty big. Yeah. But look, the thing is, is when you could Google my doctor, you could Google and find my doctor naked. So, like, I all my doctor naked before I even went into the appointment. 

Julia [00:16:42] Okay. Welcome. 

Jason [00:16:43] Yeah. Welcome to being gay. Yeah. So, anyway, I finally make my appointment to go to the primary care doctor for the first time, and, I had to be. They told me I had to be fasting, right? Because they were going to do blood work. And instantly in my head, I'm like, bloodwork. Like, are they going to take the blood like they did the blood bank? Like, I'm a little anxious about it. And I get in there for the appointment and like, he does all of the questions and we've talked and he's like, you know, touched my balls and made me cough and like, I don't know if I had a prostate exam, I might have it doesn't matter. But the time had come for them to draw my blood. So he draws my blood, takes however much he needs to take. And then we talk a little bit and he goes, oh, I need a urine sample. Can you go get me a urine sample? And I was like, sure. And he hands me the cup and I have to walk out the door. And then it's like the next door over is the bathroom. And so I stand up and I feel a little weird, but not too weird. And I get out and I open the door to the bathroom and, like, instantly, like that same clammy feeling that the world shrinking enemy and I must have, like, hit the wall or something, because the doctor heard me from the other room and I completely pass out and like out, out, out. And I wake up and there's this huge, gorgeous model just holding me. 

Julia [00:18:04] Up on the ground. Oh. 

Jason [00:18:08] And all I can say is like, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. But I will tell you, if you ever want your doctor's office to remember who you are, pass out. Yeah. Because, like, every time I went in there afterwards, I was like, do you need to lay down? Do you need some food? You need something before they even took my blood. So that was the second time that happened. And also, I hadn't eaten at that point. Because you do. 

Julia [00:18:30] I mean, you always do a fasting blood test, like in the. You know what I mean? It's exactly. Yeah. 

Jason [00:18:35] Exactly. So now let's cut to a couple of weeks ago, because I live in the age where you need to have a colonoscopy, right. And so I went in for my first colonoscopy, and I was a little anxious. Bradley can attest to this because they were going to put an IV in my arm. 

Julia [00:18:50] Yes. 

Jason [00:18:51] I've never had an IV in my arm like that. Just right there. I was like. And then they were going to put me under, and I've never been under anesthesia and nothing like that. 

Ellie [00:19:02] That's major. 

Jason [00:19:03] But right, there was a little anxiety. And of course, you know, you can't eat before a colonoscopy. 

Ellie [00:19:10] For a day. 

Julia [00:19:12] 24 hours. 

Jason [00:19:13] Yeah, yeah. So I get there and I'm doing fine. And they take me back to, like, the prepping area, and I get undressed and I get my little hospital gown. I'm laying in the bed, and the lady who's who's there attending me is super sweet. She's young, gorgeous. And I express to her, you know, I've never been under anesthesia before. I've never had an IV before. And I have tests, for. 

Julia [00:19:38] These are good things to show. Yeah, you got to tell me these things. Yeah. 

Jason [00:19:42] So I'm feeling really, like, not that anxious, actually. I was like, okay, this is so bad. And so she gets the I.V. ready and she's sitting next to me. I'm lying in the bed. And I told her, you know, I have passed out before, but it hasn't happened in like 15 years. And, she goes, okay, well, I'm just going to talk you through the idea as I'm doing it. And then, if you don't want to look at me, you don't have to look at me. And I'm like, fine. And so she's prepping it and she's doing the whole bit of putting the needle. She put it in my hands. Yeah. And while she is doing it to distract me, she goes, so what. 

Julia [00:20:15] Do you do for. 

Jason [00:20:16] A living? And I'm like, oh, well, I'm a medical assistant and I work at a dermatologist office. She goes, oh my God, I need to find an institution. And I was like, you should come see me. I was like, if you have insurance, we also have treatments that are covered by insurance. So we're having this conversation, right? And then I look over and the ivy is in my hand. And I didn't feel a thing. I didn't think about it, whatever. And we're sitting there for a couple of minutes chatting and then you go, oh, well, let me go get my throat. I want to get the number where you work. And she stands up to leave the area and she pulls the little curtain closed. And as she does that, wet and clammy the world's closing in on me. And this has been like four minutes. I'm like, what happened? And I don't know if it's because they were like, flushing my body full of liquids at this point, I don't know. So then I scream like, hey, I think I'm going to pass out. And she opens the curtain. And again, I must have looked like dying ate, because the look on her face was. Very traumatized, and she calls two other nurses over like they have smelling salts under my nose. I'm going a bed that they lean like this direction where. 

Julia [00:21:16] You get blood to your head, I love, but at least you were already laying down. Yeah, it's. 

Jason [00:21:20] Totally. But the weirdest feeling is when you're laying down and you're going to pass out because, like, what do you do? 

Julia [00:21:25] Where are you going to go? You just you just lay there and pass out a very strange. 

Jason [00:21:31] And so they got me to come to and I, completed my colonoscopy. Fine. But let me tell you, in reference to giving blood or having an ID, maybe it's not excitement because I'd been excited before, and that ain't it. 

Julia [00:21:46] That ain't it. Oh, you. 

Ellie [00:21:47] Are a delicate flower. You are a Tennessee Williams heroin from like. Yeah. 

Julia [00:21:54] He's the. 

Ellie [00:21:55] Big like he's a. 

Julia [00:21:55] Baby. I don't think I was. 

Ellie [00:21:57] I smelling salts ever. Yeah. 

Jason [00:22:00] Except I feel like I feel like a water lily on a Chinese lagoon. 

Julia [00:22:04] Except. 

Ellie [00:22:07] That was delightful. I. I you know, I don't I don't. You're delicate. That's all. That's what I've come away with. 

Jason [00:22:14] I am, and I like to pretend that, like, it's anything I like. Catastrophic. Where that happened to me, that I would be, like, the perfect patient because I'm really good in emergencies. But, I don't know if I'd be really good. I don't know. 

Julia [00:22:28] What you mean by. 

Ellie [00:22:29] That, because you'd be passed out. 

Jason [00:22:31] That's how I'd be a perfect patient. 

Ellie [00:22:33] You'd be at the bitching show, we'd segue into Bradley Storm. 

Julia [00:22:37] We shall. 

Ellie [00:22:38] I'm very excited to hear this. It is called dissection and hallucinations. 

Julia [00:22:45] More. 

Bradley [00:22:47] So I have two quick stories. One is, well, I almost died twice in the last 15 years. 

Julia [00:22:55] It's been an exciting marriage. We should totally. Yeah. 

Jason [00:22:57] Truly. 

Bradley [00:22:58] So Jake and I had only been together, like, a year and a half, and I woke up one day and I had a headache. But I was a professional dancer. I was always injured, always hurting. So it didn't really bother me. I went to work. It had. It got worse all day. I worked at a law firm and so I was walking to court and as I said, each time I stepped, my heels strike, you know, hitting the ground. Now, my back was hurting. So I had a terrible headache and my back was hurting every time I hit the ground, came home, had some ice cream, which I. 

Julia [00:23:27] Love as one does as one does. 

Bradley [00:23:29] To comfort myself. And I went to bed and I couldn't sleep. I was tossing and turning and I finally thought, you know, I must have thrown my neck or my back out dancing. So I'm going to get out of bed. And you know what a foam roller is? Yeah, yeah. 

Julia [00:23:42] Yeah, oh yeah. 

Bradley [00:23:43] Big things dancers have. I'm like, I'm just going to get on the floor and roll out my back and my back. So normally when I do that and I lean back on the foam roller, I'm super flexible. So my back just folds right over the foam roller. This time nothing happened. My back was completely stiff, and that's when I realized I couldn't turn my head or move my neck. I was completely frozen, so I just slid. 

Julia [00:24:04] Off. 

Bradley [00:24:05] Somehow managed to get up, get dressed. I walk into the living room where Jason is sleeping and I go, I need to go to the hospital. Like right now. He wasn't too enthused, but we get to the hospital and just word to the wise. 

Jason [00:24:19] It wasn't that I wasn't to anything, was I? Totally. I will say that as soon as someone tells you I need to go to the hospital. 

Julia [00:24:26] Yes. You want to do that? 

Jason [00:24:28] Yeah, but you should also listen to them. Which probably second story will be funny because I didn't, but, it continued. 

Bradley [00:24:37] So, where to the wise, when you get to the triage at the hospital and they just send you right back? That's not a good time. I just I walked in, I said, here's my three symptoms. And they, like, threw a mask at me and sent me back. So I had bacterial meningitis, pretty severe case. And they pumped me full of morphine, which was super off because that's basically taking heroin. 

Julia [00:25:00] That's what that's part. 

Bradley [00:25:01] 24 hours a day. For six days, I was completely cracked out of my mind. And I had no inner monologue because the pain was so intense. I had no thoughts. I was just pain. 

Julia [00:25:12] Oh. 

Bradley [00:25:14] I don't really remember a lot about that week, except to. Really. Funny things to me. The first is, once I got out of the hospital, I said to Jason, you know, one of my recurring nightmares the whole time was that there was this leprechaun or gremlin sneaking into my room, a hospital room at night and, like, screwing with me. He goes, that was the nighttime phlebotomist coming in. 

Julia [00:25:36] My I. 

Bradley [00:25:37] Actually very short, but because I was paralyzed basically on my back, I couldn't really see very well. I had to really strain my eyes to see people walk into the room. And all I remember is this little short guy, you know, hopping around and like. 

Julia [00:25:51] Doing, start. 

Bradley [00:25:52] Stealing from me like a leprechaun. 

Jason [00:25:54] I just also want to see your blood. Stealing your blood. He was so out of it. Like he didn't even realize. Like, from the second that they put him in a hospital room, I had them put a cot in the room, and I was there the entire time, like, right next to him. But he was so out of it, he didn't even realize that. 

Julia [00:26:12] It's like I didn't even know you were there. But thank you for exactly. 

Bradley [00:26:15] I mean, this is not funny, but that first night, I woke up while I was in the emergency room for 24 hours, and then they put me in intensive care. In that first night in intensive care, I woke up in the middle of the night and I thought, oh, I'm going to die here by myself. If I had just turned my head, which I couldn't do, I would have seen Jacob sleeping directly next to me. But I had no idea where anyone was. 

Julia [00:26:35] oh, that sounds like so much fun! It was awesome. Also. 

Ellie [00:26:38] I like to think that Jason was the leprechaun. 

Julia [00:26:42] Yeah. I really don't know that Jason is very tall. 

Jason [00:26:45] Yeah, I'm not a tiny little. 

Ellie [00:26:47] Maybe you were bending over, like, patting his head and, like, dabbing at him and things, and you were like. 

Jason [00:26:53] No, it was this really cute, short, Latino guy who would come in one night to take his blood to go be like, assess, to see, like, how things were going. But it would happen at like 2 or 3 in the morning. So I could see how that would be a little weird. 

Bradley [00:27:05] So luckily I did lots of drugs in college and had hallucinated a lot in college because by the end of this week I was so drugged I started to loosen eating in the hospital room. And I saw three really cool things in one not so cool thing. So the first thing I saw in my hotel or my hotel room? My hospital room. 

Julia [00:27:25] I felt like. 

Bradley [00:27:26] I felt like I was living near the hotel. 

Julia [00:27:29] Yeah. Yeah. 

Bradley [00:27:31] Every surface in the hospital room was covered with, like, a glittery lube. Like, it looked wet and glittery, which was super pretty. And then there was a giant polar bear to the left of my hospital bed, standing on his hind leg when he had his hand on my shoulder like he was comforting me. And it was so sweet. 

Julia [00:27:50] That's sad. And that was my bear. 

Jason [00:27:52] No, but I was sitting next to him while he was hallucinating this polar bear, and he goes, oh, there's a polar bear in the room. And I go, oh, really? Can you tell me where he is right now? And he goes. I'm holding its hand. 

Julia [00:28:06] I'm holding its hand. That's right. I was holding his paw. 

Ellie [00:28:10] I like the little. The motion. I'm holding his hand. 

Bradley [00:28:13] And then in the far corner of the room it had transformed into like. Cobblestone wall and floor, and there was either a fountain or a pizza oven. I can't really remember, but there was a cat dressed up like, Puss in Boots, like Renaissance clothes. And he was a cat and a piazza making a pizza. He was making pizza in this little piazza in the. 

Ellie [00:28:35] Corner, in a piazza making a pizza. 

Bradley [00:28:38] That's what I told Jason, Julius said. 

Ellie [00:28:40] He died. She's deceased. She can't speak so specific. 

Julia [00:28:46] It's not specific. 

Bradley [00:28:48] I thought it was so adorable and it made me so happy to see. The scary thing. But I didn't tell Jason at the time. I told them later was there was like 20 people in the room. In old colonial garb, but black and white, like old timey movie look in chairs halfway up the wall all the way around the perimeter. 

Julia [00:29:12] That's creepy. Bradley just. 

Bradley [00:29:13] Looking down at me, and. 

Ellie [00:29:14] It's like you're in some weird, like, like, Scarlet Letter court or something. Oh, like a, like goody Proctor. Doctor Goody Proctor was there. 

Julia [00:29:22] Or like, a surgery amphitheater. Do you know what I'm talking about? 

Ellie [00:29:26] But colonial. 

Julia [00:29:27] But colonial. 

Ellie [00:29:28] With a panda and. 

Julia [00:29:30] Lube? No. 

Ellie [00:29:31] And I know these were different things than a pizza. Yeah. I'm listening. 

Julia [00:29:36] It's a cat and a polar bear. 

Ellie [00:29:38] Apollo. That's what polar bear, a panda. Polar bear. 

Julia [00:29:40] The polar polar bear. 

Bradley [00:29:42] Polar bear? A cat in a piazza making a pizza. Poop covered glitter everywhere. 

Ellie [00:29:46] This is a children's book waiting to be written. I love it. 

Julia [00:29:52] I know that coronial people in chairs. 

Ellie [00:29:55] Yeah. How do you get bacterial meningitis? 

Bradley [00:29:59] So the back part of the reason I was in the hospital so long was they couldn't figure out what bacteria it was that infected me, and it turned out to be something called mycoplasma pneumonia, which is what causes walking pneumonia. So I must have come into contact with someone, shook their hand, wipe my nose, touched my eye. I did think like later, about a week before I got sick, I had gotten gas and I had touched b. 

Julia [00:30:25] The nozzle. 

Bradley [00:30:26] And nozzle for the gas. 

Ellie [00:30:27] Tank. You didn't get gas like you didn't have gas. 

Julia [00:30:31] I know I kind of got gas at the gas station. 

Ellie [00:30:34] Walking ammonia from getting gas. God. 

Bradley [00:30:37] And I remember there was something weird on the handle, but this was pre-COVID. This was 2012, so I didn't wash my hands afterwards. 

Julia [00:30:44] I know you were like, I know I like my fingers. 

Bradley [00:30:46] Yeah. And I'm sure I did, because you touch your face multiple times a minute. So I'm sure right after that I touched it and I feel like that's where I got it from. But yeah, so I had a headache for like a year and was exhausted for a year. 

Julia [00:30:59] In. 

Bradley [00:31:00] Recovery. Yeah. After. So it wasn't great. And so then ten years later, I almost died. 

Jason [00:31:07] Back to the day. 

Bradley [00:31:08] Almost to the day. I had a carotid artery dissection. In the right side of my neck. So we can speak freely here, correct? 

Julia [00:31:20] Yes. 

Ellie [00:31:21] You can tell the words. 

Bradley [00:31:22] I have been having a lot of sex. Okay. But prior to. 

Jason [00:31:27] Exactly that weekend, before, it was a big weekend for us. I mean, like, we we attended a sex party where there were many, many, many people. And, then we also, like, had gotten. Do you mind that I'm saying bad things. Oh, yes. We we had also had some, like, ketamine sitting in our house. 

Julia [00:31:46] As one does. 

Jason [00:31:47] As one does. 

Bradley [00:31:48] We had never done it. 

Jason [00:31:49] We had never done. I was sitting there and I was like, well, this is a good weekend. Like this will help us relax and calm down and like get ready for the week. So we both did a little bit of the ketamine. We I had never done it before. Had you ever done it before. No. No. Yeah. And it was like a norm thing. It was like oh, this. Why are people so excited about this? Like it wasn't exciting. Yeah. So that was Sunday. We wake up Monday and continued. 

Bradley [00:32:13] Well, I went to the gym and. My preferred squat rack was unavailable. 

Julia [00:32:19] It's very expensive. I hate it when that happens. 

Bradley [00:32:22] So I did leg press instead, which I never do. 

Julia [00:32:25] Which is not the same. 

Bradley [00:32:26] It is not. It's not the same. I was so angry. I just kept packing plates as we got back on to this leg press. So I hit like a personal record. Never pressed this much weight before. So it was either from the leg press exertion or being. Sexually pleasured on a box against a wall with my neck in a weird position two nights prior, but I defected my artery in my neck, which is not a rupture. It's like the inner wall of the artery gets a little tear in it. And oh, by the way, this terror could have also come from 20 years of professionally dancing and flash thrashing my head around tons of chiropractic adjustments. It could have been any. And blood flows into the tear and, like, separates the wall of the artery. And there's multiple layers. So it keeps propagating from, like, my shoulder up to my skull and, like, shredding the wall internally. 

Julia [00:33:23] Slowly pulling everything apart as the blood flows upward towards your head. 

Bradley [00:33:27] Right into like behind the into the wall. So it can cause like a massive stroke can block the entire artery. So if you have a stroke, if it blocks the entire artery, that's 25% of your brain. There's four arteries that go to your head. So that's 25% of your brain would stroke, which is super bad, not good. Or it can make tons of little clots that break off and cause a bunch of different strokes in your head. So I woke up in the morning. My neck hurt. That's not uncommon. So of course I'm like stretching my neck and twisting it, trying to crack it, which. 

Jason [00:33:58] We both also. We both also woke up with like kind of cold, like a little sniffly, like, oh, I think I'm getting a cold. So. 

Bradley [00:34:08] And I had diarrhea that morning. 

Julia [00:34:11] So these are my pain. Diarrhea. This could be so many things, right? 

Bradley [00:34:15] It was very confusing. So the whole week my neck pain keeps getting worse, my sore throat goes away, still have the diarrhea, and I have this weird like bulge coming out of my side of my neck, like it was super swollen. And then on Thursday, I think I wake up. I'm getting ready to go. I had gone to work. I had done all sorts of stuff the whole week. I didn't stop working or doing anything. I could have stroked out by myself in my office at work with nobody there, which would have been probably a great experience as well. I look in the mirror and my pupils are two different sizes. One is like super tiny, the other one super big. So I'm like, that probably isn't good either. I feel I do nothing about that. Anything cool Saturday morning, but I'm like, I think I'm in a rattler. I know this is so bad of me, but this is just how I am. So I go to urgent care and I'm like, so I had diarrhea earlier in the week. I kind of have a cold, but I also have the swelling neck and my pupils are two different sizes. And he's like, I have no idea what this constellation of symptoms means. Yeah, but he leaves the room and he comes back in with another doctor. So word to the wise. If you're urgent care doctor leaves and comes back with a second doctor. That's really not great. That's bad. That's bad. So he says you should go to the emergency room right now, and it gives me a little discharge paper so I don't go to the emergency room right away. I go home because I'm an idiot, and I get home and I take on the couch and I go, I think you need to take me to the emergency room. And he's like, no, I'm not doing. I'm not doing that. 

Jason [00:35:48] I was like, really silly. I was like, Bradley, you just have like a sore throat infection. I was like, you're going to go to the emergency room. They're going to give you antibiotics. Do I really have to take you? He's like, no, I think these doctors are pretty upset. Like, you should take me. I'm like, okay, like begrudgingly. 

Bradley [00:36:04] That he did not want to do this. So we drive to the hospital. I walk in again. The same thing happened as ten years prior. I walk into Trish and I say hi. My neck is swollen. It's a lot of pain and my pupils are two different sizes and they're like, straight back. 

Julia [00:36:19] To me. 

Bradley [00:36:19] Right back in there and immediately diagnosed basically with this carotid artery dissection. 

Ellie [00:36:27] Never heard of this. 

Jason [00:36:29] I would also like to say that carotid artery dissections happen a lot to older people, like 65 and above. Or people who've had some sort of, like, traumatic injury happen, like they've gotten whiplash or they've been in a car accident or like, make sense happens to them. And none of these things happen to Bradley. 

Bradley [00:36:48] Or you're like a big drug user and we don't I mean, we don't do drugs. We have done ketamine one time, which just happened to coincide with this exact moment, which of course, we told the doctors, I mean, I said everything, I said, I'm a dancer, I'm an athlete. 

Julia [00:37:00] Yeah. You don't lie. You got to give him all the info. 

Jason [00:37:03] And so one of the doctors came and then I was like, oh, well, we did Bradley. We did do that ketamine this weekend. And like, instantly his eyes are like, oh, okay. And like, we are in the heart of West Hollywood, at a hospital in West Hollywood. So I'm sure they get a lot of, like, gay men with drug problems. We aren't those gay men, but, they just they focused on that. 

Bradley [00:37:26] They were obsessed as picture, particularly this doctor. And he kept quizzing me, like, so how much drugs do you do? What did you do this weekend? And I was like, not nothing. I went to the gym. I mean, whatever he, unbeknownst to me, secretly doesn't tell me. He orders a full drug panel like, oh my God, methamphetamine. All this, everything. Of course it all comes back negative. They haven't don't, don't do any of those things. But then later, when I'm discharged from the hospital and I'm going to see my neurosurgeon, they have this app where you can review your medical records. So I'm reviewing it all and it's happened. Their patient is a habitual drug user. 

Julia [00:38:01] No. 

Bradley [00:38:04] And I went to my neurosurgeon. I'm like, I want that removed. 

Julia [00:38:07] Yeah. 

Bradley [00:38:07] That's stricken from the record. 

Julia [00:38:09] I got. 

Jason [00:38:09] On the record. 

Bradley [00:38:11] I did one tiny bump of ketamine two weeks ago. 

Julia [00:38:14] That had and now I'm a habitual drug user. 

Bradley [00:38:16] Yes, I will drug user. 

Ellie [00:38:18] If only your preferred squat rack had been available. Not this might have been avoided. I know my husband has preferred squat rack. 

Jason [00:38:26] Oh. 

Ellie [00:38:27] I know he does and I've just never heard preferred squat rack and I'm really fixating on it. 

Bradley [00:38:31] That's going to be my next tattoo across my. 

Jason [00:38:34] Yeah they should be. 

Ellie [00:38:36] Is it strange that after hearing both of your stories, Bradley almost died twice and Jason merely fainted thrice? That I think Jason is the more delicate flower still, after all of this? 

Jason [00:38:49] 100% true. 

Ellie [00:38:53] Like, Bradley is like, you know, he's Gloria Estefan coming out of the dark. You know, he's like emerged. You know, he's being judged by all of the. 

Julia [00:39:03] Doctors. 

Ellie [00:39:04] The Hawthorne, the goody proctors. They're all like, holding up a scarlet letter, Adam. And he's like, fuck you, I'm going to live. And Jason's like. 

Julia [00:39:12] I need a snack before you take my BlackBerry. Mean. 

Ellie [00:39:17] If if listeners would like to follow you anywhere on social media or, or if you either of you have businesses that you'd like to promote for listeners in the areas where you live, this is do that now to say those things and maybe, you'll get hooked up. 

Jason [00:39:33] I mean, if you want to be my friend, you can follow me on Insta at the Jason Moyer. But, if you want to know more about what I do for work, you can follow Jason Moyer Skincare. 

Julia [00:39:45] That sounds great. Can you. And you, are located in. 

Jason [00:39:49] I but we're in Los Angeles, but I work in Brentwood, California. 

Julia [00:39:53] Yeah. So if you would like to see Jason for face stuff, you got to live there. Yeah. 

Jason [00:39:58] Or visit. 

Julia [00:39:59] Or visit or just show. 

Ellie [00:40:00] Up to show up at his house, but. 

Julia [00:40:02] Don't stalk him, because that's creepy and highly. 

Ellie [00:40:04] Illegal. Yeah. Great. 

Julia [00:40:05] Bradley. 

Bradley [00:40:08] Hey, you want to follow me on Instagram at b p m and then Bradley cat Mary 311. That's my favorite band. That's BCM 311. If you go on YouTube and look at old videos of me dancing from 15 years ago. 

Julia [00:40:26] That are which are fabulous. 

Bradley [00:40:27] They're amazing. They're terrible quality. 

Julia [00:40:29] Well. 

Ellie [00:40:30] That's my vintage. 

Julia [00:40:32] Yeah, that's a method. Contemporary dance. Say that again. 

Bradley [00:40:36] Method contemporary dance. 

Julia [00:40:39] Excellent. All right, y'all, this was wonderful. 

Jason [00:40:42] We love you. 

Bradley [00:40:43] I'm glad our trauma could help. Feel like I learned a lot. 

Julia [00:40:47] I learned a lot. 

Ellie [00:40:48] I did too. And you know, somebody who might not be taking something or other? Not seriously. Might take it seriously after hearing your stories. Not yours, Jason, but yours. Bradley. 

Julia [00:40:59] Ha ha ha ha ha. 

Bradley [00:41:01] That is my one parting thought is like, if you feel off, just go to the. 

Ellie [00:41:06] Skull dome and don't ask Jason to take care. 

Jason [00:41:09] I was going to say my parting at a high. Parting advice would be if someone tells you to take them to the hospital, just take them to the hospital. 

Julia [00:41:15] Right?